Liam Neeson > Chuck Norris
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| | submitted by Superapathytime to todayilearned [link] [351 comments] |
| | submitted by vactuna to atheism [link] [65 comments] |
| | submitted by princesspool to videos [link] [352 comments] |
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My heart is in a million pieces. I don't know what to do, or how to cope.
Edit: I was panicking earlier because the dr. was so cold and told me that she will never play piano or other instruments. This destroyed me as I'm a musician and have been so looking forward to jamming with her some day. The dr. was a total bitch. I am very happy to read all of your inspiring stories. Thank you, reddit! You are all awesome.
Edit2: Good night all. I'll check in on the thread tomorrow to see if I missed some replies. I've been trying to keep up but am out of steam.
There is a great pile of information and some very valuable insight in this thread. I appreciate all of it. I will be bookmarking this for future research, inspiration and motivation. Thank you all, very much.
Edit 3: I just noticed the pile of pm in my inbox! I'll get back to you all tomorrow.
| | submitted by RJNDesigner to videos [link] [108 comments] |
By Alex Papadimoulis
"Mac OS X has an odd definition of gigabyte," writes Kevin Kelly.
"I saw this when on holiday to Barcelona," writes Greig Hamilton, "it was a huge screen on La Rambla, the busiest street in Barcelona"
Drake wonders, "just what would I be saying 'Yes' or 'No' to?"
"Well, apparently it actually is possible to get colder than 0 Kelvin," Dorian H, "and of course I'm right there."
"In the end," Mark wrote, "I just ended up spelling out 'thirteen'."
Bryan Scott writes "at least it doesn't charge me when they give me thanks for choosing Dell."
"I tried to resolve a simple bug submitted to our tracker," writes Michael, "and it clearly didn't appreciate the ease with which this bug was quashed."
By Alex Papadimoulis
Imagine yourself as an eager, young developer. After many long months of self-study, you’ve carefully honed your craft and have skillfully mastered virtually all development technologies from enterprisey to hipster. Your twelve-page résumé could land you a job anywhere, and as it would happen, the job you decided to take was at a highfalutin consultancy filled with like-minded developers who were almost as skilled as you.
You and you cohorts could build anything. Literally, anything: a software cure for cancer; a software cure engine that could dynamically load cure plug-ins at runtime to cure anything; or even a software engine factory that could dynamically create engines that could dynamically load plug-ins that could do anything.
And as it so happened, your virtually unbounded skillset was desperately needed to solve an otherwise unsolvable problem: build skechers.com. The requirements for the shoe company’s website were mind-bogglingly complex: retrieve product information from some enterprisey ERP system, format it prettily on the web, and let people place orders online.
Although no one in the history of software development had ever undertaken a project of such scale, you were prepared for anything. In fact, even before hearing what the website would be for, you had already spec’d-out the architecture: use XML-based XSL to transform server-generated XML into XHTML and JavaScript.
Hopefully now you can appreciate the mindset that the developer(s) of Skechers’ website must have had. Their masterpiece can be seen by a simple view-source of skechers.com:
That’s the XML data sent by the server when visiting http://skechers.com/. Your browser then spends a bit of time transforming into HTML and JavaScript using the following XSL:
While the idea of building a website like this in XML and then transforming it using XSL is absurd in and of itself, digging through the code is a treasure trove of WTF. I’m sure there are at least three levels of Hell that are more pleasant than having to maintain this JavaScript-generating XSL code:
<script type="text/javascript">
var skxProduct = {}; var skxStyle = '<xsl:value-of select="$style/@code"/>';
<xsl:for-each select="$style/product">
skxProduct['<xsl:value-of select="@color"/>'] = {
color: '<xsl:value-of select="@primary-color"/><xsl:if test="@secondary-color">
/ <xsl:value-of select="@secondary-color"/>
</xsl:if>',
images: [
<xsl:for-each select="media">
<xsl:sort data-type="number" select="@view"/>
<xsl:if test="position() < 7">
'<xsl:value-of select="@image"/>'
<xsl:if test="position() != 7">,</xsl:if>
</xsl:if>
</xsl:for-each>
],
inventory: [
<xsl:for-each select="sku">
<xsl:sort data-type="number" select="@pos"/>
{
size: '<xsl:value-of select="@size"/>',
<xsl:if test="@type">
type: '<xsl:value-of select="@type"/>',
</xsl:if>
stock: '<xsl:value-of select="@in-stock"/>',
<xsl:if test="@disc">
disc: '<xsl:value-of select="@disc"/>',
</xsl:if>
price: '<xsl:value-of select="@price"/>',
upc: '<xsl:value-of select="@upc"/>'
}
<xsl:if test="position() != last()">,</xsl:if>
</xsl:for-each>
]
};
</xsl:for-each>
</script>
I shudder at the thought of how labyrinthine the server-side code generating this must be.
I’ve preserved (well, after some indentation/formatting) some of the files for posterity. Just right-click download, then view in your favorite text editor for best experience.
I’m sure there’s plenty more fun examples to be found at all levels of skechers.com; feel free to share them in the comments or send them to me if you think they’d deserve an article of their own.
By Alex Papadimoulis
The Storage Warehouse (from Grig)
The first recession I remember was in the early 1990’s, and I remember it so well because I was looking for a job. The want ads listed an opening for a UNIX admin – something which was right up my alley – so I gave the company a ring.
“Ye-LLO!” was the greeting after a couple of rings. In the background, it sounded like John Philip Sousa March music was playing on a 1960s AM transistor radio.
“Um… I am calling about the want ad in the paper for a UNIX admin?”
“Yeah yeah, sure sure,” he responded enthusiastically.
After a long pause, I asked “is the position still available?”
“Uh nuh.”
Another long pause led me to ask “So it is?”
“Yah.”
“Would you like me to come in for an interview?”
“Nah, I can do it over the phone,” the sound of a chair squeaking came through the line and the music stopped playing, “Okay… I am looking for someone who can program UNIX. Also, has to know PASCAL pretty well. Processor design. Vast familiarity with X.25 protocol. Some BASIC, ALGOL, Lisp, Borland, relational databases, Lotus spreadsheets, VAX administration, PC repair, all those sorts of things. Oh, and also, have a degree in engineering and computer programming.”
“Um, really? Processor design? What kind of job is this?”
“Well, it’s an assistant manager of a storage warehouse.”
“You mean, like a data center?”
“No, no,” he chuckled, “self-storage. You know, like U-Haul and EZ-Storage.”
“So why would an assistant manager of a storage place need all those skills?”
“They don’t. I am just sick of getting dumbass applicants. I thought I’d raise the bar a little and only get smart college guys and the like.”
I didn't know what to say. I wished him well, and hung up. That ad was up for nearly a year in the want ads.
The Customizer (from D Lewis)
When I walked in for my interview, I saw that the receptionist was on the phone so I smiled at her to make my presence known and waited quietly near the back of the room. Looking around, I admired the outdated wallpaper falling off the walls and the non-framed artwork Scotch-taped to the wallpaper. I also couldn’t help but overhear the receptionist’s conversation; it definitely wasn’t business related.
“They better give me my raise,” she said with an attitude, “it’s been three years and I am well overdue.” A few moments later, “mmmkay, well I’ll talk to you later then, I gotta go anyway.”
The experience didn’t inspire a lot of confidence. Eventually, the receptionist let them know I had arrived and the development manager lead me to the board room. She boasted that the company made three million last year, and they were really on a growth path. As she described their application portfolio, she kept mentioning that they’re doing all of their work in Microsoft Access.
“But this is something you’re looking to move away from,” I said inquisitively, “as part of the expansion?”
“Oh no no,” she replied, “Microsoft Access is by far the best model for our company. Here, let me show you why.”
She then pulled out her laptop and navigated to a folder on her drive that had a hundred or so different Access databases. Each was for a different customer and was slightly customized to have proper label names, field names, form fields, etc. A large part of my job would be rolling out “product wide” features to each and every database.
“You know, a .NET-based solution using SQL Server would scale much better,” I explained, “you could use plug-ins, templates, or all sorts of things to keep each customer’s database unique but share a common code base.”
“Well,” she responded, “they already do, we just make sure to copy and paste the same module code across each database. Everyone’s familiar with it, so we’re sticking with Access.”
Shortly after that, the HR Manager walked to discuss other aspects of the job. When he opened up his briefcase, a Knife, Fork and Spoon fell out onto the table, making a loud clanking noise. “The cleaner has a habit of stealing silverware,” he quipped, “so, I tend to bring my own.”
By this point, I had decided there was no way I’d ever work at such a place. Of course, I was too shy to walk out, so I let the HR manager give his spiel.
“We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely,” he said, “so you would need to sign an agreement that you’ll work here for two years.”
I said nothing.
“But after that, we give great raises.”
The URL Rewriter (from Jon)
Despite overseas developers getting some bad press now and then, one has to feel sorry for the working conditions they must have to put up with. According to this guy's CV not only did he have to code on paper, but they also made him stand in for the web server some of the time.
Responsibilities: * Coding in C#.net (asp.net). * Written Java Script functions, bug fixing. * Url rewriting.
The Most Ethical (from Fred Rosenberger)
“We’re different than all the rest,” the smiling account manager at a recruiting agency told me, “we pride ourselves on being the most honest and the most ethical of all placement firms.” That same line was repeated by nearly everyone I met at the organization: the technical interviewer, the senior headhunter, and even the president himself.
They all seemed nice enough, but in a nice used car salesman sort of way. As we reviewed different job openings they were trying to fill, one in particular was seeking a candidate with an Electrical Engineering degree who had moved over into software.
“You mentioned that your father was an Electrical Engineering professor for thirty-five years, right?”
I nodded, not sure where that was going.
“Well, I’m sure in all those years you learned a thing or two about Electrical Engineering? I mean, how could you not with your father talking about it so much.”
I furrowed my brow a little bit.
“Let’s figure out a way to get your father’s experience in Electrical Engineering on your resume – that’ll certainly get you past HR and score an actual interview.”
I almost laughed out loud. Not wanting to get in an argument with them, I made some excuses that I didn’t want to drive that far. In retrospect, they still may have been the most honest and the most ethical of all placement firms.
By Alex Papadimoulis
"I work on a team maintaining a large and enterprisey PHP system," writes Amber, "and as such, my job mostly involves doing enhancements and fixing bugs."
"It sounds normal enough, if not for the fact that almost all variables are globals and each of them might or might not be initialized in the same way, or the same place, as seen in this screenshot."
"That's tolerable, but the real problem arises when I need to reuse a function in a different location. I've added line breaks and formatting to make some sense of things..."
global $dbCon;
$dbCon->InitOpen($cf_db, 'db1');
.... snip a few hundred lines ....
function getRanking () {
global $dbCon, $dbCon_test, $dbCon2, $cf_db;
include '../rtuser/rtutil.php';
$dbCon_test->
InitOpen($cf_db, 'db2');
..... snip ....
/* rt_rank() requires $dbCon as db connection to testdb
* in this context, $dbCon currently points to Db1 thus
* temporarily pointing $dbCon to testdb is necessary (fred)
*/
$tempdbConDb1 = $dbCon;
//assign $dbCon_test to $dbCon to have testdb connection
$dbCon = $dbCon_test;
$memcacheKey = 'hof_ranking_' . $cntr . ':' . $offset;
//call rtutil.php's getrtRank()
// cache db r in memcache for 5 minutes
$r = unserialize(getMemCache($dbCon2, $memcacheKey, '5 minute', 'getrtRank', $args));
//swap back $dbCon so that the code relying on $dbCon pointing to Db1 won't be affected
$dbCon = $tempdbConDb1;
include '../rateuser/rateutil.php';
... snip ...
/* rate_rank() requires $sql as db connection to testdb
* in this context, $sql currently points to gm thus
* temporarily pointing $sql to testdb is necessary (fred)
*/
$tempSqlGm = $sql;
//assign $sql_test to $sql to have testdb connection
$sql = $sql_test;
$memcacheKey = 'hof_ranking_' . $cntr . ':' . $offset;
//call rateutil.php's getRateRank()
$result = unserialize(getCacheInfo($sql2, $memcacheKey, '5 minute', 'getRateRank', $args));
list($uidlist, $nicks, $votes, $imageIds, $genders) = $result;
//swap back $sql so that the code relying on $sql pointing to gm won't be affected
$sql = $tempSqlGm;
//....
}
Amber continues, "what happened here was that, in file A, a global database link identifier pointed to database 1 but in the include file B, the same variable was supposed to point to database 2. What I did was to swap out the link identifier whenever a function in file B was involved, then swap back whenever a function in file A was involved. Injection was not an option as the Globals were so deeply and variably coupled that decoupling them needs to be done on a case-by-case basis. And that was just one place...
By Alex Papadimoulis
We've got some great companies that sponsor The Daily WTF. And all they ask in return... just take a moment or two to check out what they do. It's some pretty cool stuff.
TDWTF Sponsors
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And now for our regularly scheduled program...
"When filling out a web health assessment, I'm pretty sure I didn't mention the scourge of %_SQL_TEXT that runs in my family," writes Josh Ward, "it's an embarrassing condition, to be sure!"
"I knew Ikea carried a lot of stuff, but a Petabyte is bigger than I expected," Nero Imhard, "still, I waited until I was within WiFi reach before proceeding."
"I got this while trying to start DBArtisan," writes Willy, "is it telling me or asking me?"
"I read that the HTC Thunderbolt has great download speeds but poor battery life," Andrew writes, "but I noticed that the clocks are a little out of sync. Maybe I can find an app that syncs both clocks to the correct time."
Erkki Laite found this in his local paper, the Finnish Turun Sanomat on 02.11.2011.
Jim Moyle spotted this on the front page of booking.com.
"I guess if someone at the mall searched to find where multi(0)disk(0)rdisk(0)partition(1) was, the directory would have been correct," writes Darin Rousseau.
By Alex Papadimoulis
"When digging through some code that was on the refactor list, I came accross some validation logic that checks if the user selected enough options on the form," writes Chris Osgood, "if enough options weren't selected, you'd get an error message along that said something like 'at least 3 options are required'."
"It took a little bit of coding to get that validate message. The '3' was obviously dynamic, and if there was only one missing selection, then 'are' was replaced with 'is'. As for the word 'option'...it was is PLURALIZED!"
/// <summary>
/// Changes a singular string to plural e.g. "Monkey" => "Monkeys".
/// </summary>
/// <param name="text">The text to PLURALIZE!</param>
/// <returns>A plural string.</returns>
public static string Pluralize(string text)
{
if (text.Length == 0)
{
return text;
}
string result = text;
if (result.Equals("sheep", StringComparison.OrdinalIgnoreCase))
{
return "sheep";
}
else if (result.Equals("leaf", StringComparison.OrdinalIgnoreCase))
{
return "leaves";
}
else if (result.Equals("thief", StringComparison.OrdinalIgnoreCase))
{
return "thieves";
}
else if (result.Equals("potato", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase))
{
return "potatoes";
}
else if (result.EndsWith("y", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase) &&
!result.EndsWith("ey", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase))
{
// Don't pluralize "by"
if (result.Length > 2 && !result.EndsWith(" by", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase))
{
result = result.Truncate(result.Length - 1) + "ies";
}
}
else if (result.EndsWith("us", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase))
{
// http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plural_form_of_words_ending_in_-us
result += "es";
}
else if (result.EndsWith("x", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase))
{
result += "es";
}
else if (!result.EndsWith("s", StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase))
{
result += "s";
}
return result;
}
Chris continued, "naturally, this was the only usage of this otherwise highly useful function. We could have easily utilized this function to pluralize things like foots, tomatos, boies, wifes, and etc.!"
SOPA and PIPA are two pieces of proposed legislation designed to "stop" Internet piracy… in the most hamfisted way imaginable. As Mitchell Baker explains:
Assume there's a corner store in your neighborhood that rents movies. But the movie industry believes that some or even all of the videos in that store are unauthorized copies, so that they're not being paid when people watch their movies. What should be done?SOPA/PIPA do not aim at the people trying to get to the store, or even the store itself. The solution under the proposed bills is to make it as difficult as possible to find or interact with the store:
- Maps showing the location of the store must be changed to hide it.
- The road to the store must be blocked off so that it is difficult to physically get to there.
- Directory services must delist the store’s phone number and address.
- Credit card companies would have to cease providing services to the store.
- Local newspapers would no longer be allowed to place ads for the video store.
- To make sure it all happens, any person or organization who doesn’t do this is subject to penalties. Even publishing a newsletter that tells people where the store is would be prohibited by this legislation.
Just substitute "corner store" with "website" and I think you can see where this is going. These bills are so rife with potential for abuse and misuse, so clearly dangerous to the very fabric of the Internet, that frankly I have a hard time getting worked up about them. The Internet is under constant siege by large companies, and will be for the forseeable future. This is nothing new. These bills will be defeated, because they must be.
Instead, I'm scratching my head and wondering how such boneheaded bills made it this far in Congress. I can think of a few reasons:
I often bemoan the state of Slacktivism on the internet, where changing your Facebook or Twitter picture is considered a valid and effective form of protest. But this time, I am happy to say, was indeed different.
Perhaps because of the obvious danger of these bills, geek websites and communities banded together weeks ago to protect themselves and the greater Internet. Like many other technical communities, we wrote about it on our blog, talked about it on our podcast, and even put up a little banner on Stack Overflow for a day. Users were encouraged to call, fax, and write their representatives in Congress and express their concerns. And they did, in droves! But outside of our technical geek ghettos, there was precious little mainstream coverage of this dangerous legislation.
That is, until major sites like Wikipedia, Google, and Craigslist joined the bandwagon today. Most notably, Wikipedia actually went dark for all of today, January 18th, rendering all of English language Wikipedia inaccessible. That turned the tide, and transformed SOPA/PIPA into something that average people would actually talk about and care about. There's no better way to raise awareness of the danger these bills pose than blacklisting one of the greatest resources the Internet has ever produced.
While SOPA/PIPA are still alive -- barely -- for now, I think it's safe to say that they are well on their way to defeat. I'm glad to be a part of that, however tiny, but I cannot in good conscience celebrate.
Yes, we likely succeeded in defeating these two specific bills and galvanizing the political will of major Internet communities, including our very own Stack Exchange. These are good and noble and just and necessary things. They are things to be proud of. But instead of celebrating, let's take this time to reflect and ask ourselves a deeper question: how is it that these dangerous bills came to exist in the first place?
First, and again, this is a critical battle to wage and win. SOPA is just the latest, but in many ways, the most absurd campaign in the endless saga of America’s copyright wars. It will be yet another failed attempt in a failed war, and I obviously believe it should be opposed.But second, and as you describe, this isn’t my war anymore. Not because my heart isn’t in it, but because I don’t believe we will win that war (or better, win the peace and move on) — even if we can win battles like this one — until the more basic corruption that is our government gets addressed. That’s the fight I have spent the last 4 years working on. That’s where I’ll be for at least the next 6.
For this is what I know: We will never (as in not ever) win the war you care about until we win the war against this corruption of our Republic.
Of course, as my book, Republic, Lost: How Money Corrupts Congress -- and a Plan to Stop It, describes, this is an insanely difficult, possibly impossible, fight. But whether difficult or not, it is the fight that must be waged.
We have done much. But in our celebratory enthusiasm, please take a moment to hear out Mr. Lessig, and appreciate just how far we have yet to go.
So yes, join us in fighting the obvious insanity of legislation like SOPA and PIPA that threaten the open, unfettered Internet. But please, please also join us in attacking the far more pernicious problem of lobbyist money subtly corrupting our government. If we don't deal with that, we will never stop fighting bills like SOPA and PIPA.
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By Alex Papadimoulis
It’s January 18, 2012 and, while most of the internet has decided to blackout their sites in opposition to the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), we’re taking an opposite stance and are whiting-out The Daily WTF in support of SOPA supporters.
If there’s one thing that SOPA proponents like myself and SOPA opponents can agree on, it’s that PROTECT-IP and the Stop Online Piracy Act have little to do with protecting intellectual property and stopping online piracy.
After all, those who choose to steal creative works like the “I Have a Dream” speech from artists like Martin Luther King Jr. can already be sued and prosecuted under existing United States copyright laws. IP thieves living overseas can already be extradited to face justice in our federal courts. And the Department of Homeland Security can already arbitrarily seize domain names that fit its arbitrary standard of violating national something-or-other.
While these laws will make such acts more illegal (and therefore reduce infringement), they’re doing something much, much more important: helping dismantle DNS and the internet as we know it. And that’s something that we firmly support and can stand by.
You see, back in the day, if you wanted to get online and access electronically-stored information like digitized photographs, electronic bulletin boards, and informational databanks, there was only one thing you needed: a telephone number. You’d simply fire up your favorite telecommunications program (mine was Telix), have it dial that phone number, and after a refreshing symphony of beeps and hisses, you were online.
Each phone number transported you to a quaint, peaceful community that was almost entirely self-sufficient. There was no “hyperlinking” between systems: you simply wrote down the phone number, signed-off of the current system, and then dialed into the new system. And let me tell you, there are few experiences in life that can parallel the utter bliss of discovering a new phone number and a new electronic resource.
And then the Information Superhighway – and its tightly integrated Domain Name System – came along, decimating these peaceful, independent communities. The bulletin boards of old were ground up and churned in the giant “dot com” machine, leaving an interconnected web of domain names. There’s no more “going online” – you’re already online – and if you want to access an electronic resource, you can use a “domain name” like TheDailyWTF.com.
Domain names are highly confusing in that they not only describe what the electronic resource is, but where it is as well. Nothing else in the world works like this for obvious reasons. Could you imagine the complete confusion in day-to-day things like getting a phone number? Is that “jenny eighty-six dot com” or “jenny eighty-six dot net”? We would be in complete chaos.
SOPA and PROTECT-IP offer hope in returning to the golden age of telecommunications, and to the days before the Information Superhighway polluted the online culture with this domain name nonsense. Let the Domain Name System a natural death and prepare yourself for the Internet Protocol Number (IPN) renaissance. All you need to do is start a notebook that lists electronic resource names and their corresponding IPN. And let the first entry in your notebook be
The Daily WTF 74.50.110.120
We can only hope that our legislators introduce common sense guidelines to ban HTTP (and HTML/JavaScript) as well so we can all return to the more sensible GOPHER standard.
Update 2012-01-19 00:01 - thank you all for supporting the Support The Daily WTF in Supporting the Support SOPA Movement article! In case you missed it, any request simply to content on thedailywtf.com served up this:

Things should be restored to normal (in theory), and note that the server IP did actually change from 74.50.106.245 to 74.50.110.120. If you are still hitting the old server, your DNS is a little behind in catching up to the change.
By Alex Papadimoulis
“She’s convinced that terrorists have compromised her computer,” Tom Davidson’s colleague – a front-line helpdesk technician – reported, “best I can tell, it’s some sort of virus problem, or something. It’s is a bit out of my league, but I’m hoping you can help.”
As a junior sysadmin for a mid-sized university, Tom found himself playing second-tier helpdesk support more often than not. He didn’t mind – it was certainly better than first-tier, after all – and he appreciated solving the unique problems that were escalated to him. The terrorist virus was definitely one such problem, and it was nothing he had heard of before.
He opened up the ticket the ticket report to see what sort of troubleshooting the technician was able to do.
****************************************************** * TICKET #APX-914321 *OPEN* 2001-05-13 * ****************************************************** * * * ASSIGNED : Tom Davidson * * DEPT CODE : T2-SUP * * CUSTOMER : Wendy G------ * * HARDWARE : Standard Desktop D8-AM6 * * RESOLUTION: * * * * * * __ ISSUE __ * * * * The user reports that her computer may have been * * compromised by hackers or terrorists. * * * * __ TROUBLESHOOTING __ * * * * #2001-05-13 9:33 AM # * * For the last few days, whenever she is using any * * Microsoft product -- Word, Outlook, even Excel - * * her screen will suddenly start filling up with * * text. Most of it will be gibberish, but there * * are frequent references to guns and bombs and * * terrorists. She believes it's a person and not a * * virus, as there are sometimes were weird ref- * * erences to local news. * * * * Her computer is currently turned off. Perhaps * * sensibly, she will not turn anything on until a * * technician physically disconnects it from the * * network. I will visit ASAP. * * * * * * #2001-05-13 11:18 AM # * * When I arrived, the computer was still turned on * * but the monitor was turned off. She left open * * Microsoft Word, and there was indeed lots of * * gibberish on the screen. I shut down and ran a * * full scan off boot. No problems reported. I * * could not find any evidence of any problems, and * * the problem would not appear when I was there. * * * * * * #2001-05-16 10:03 AM # * * The user called again, and said that the problem * * started happening again in Microsoft Excel. I * * advised her to not touch a thing, and I headed * * over immediately. I was able to observe the * * problem first-hand. After disconnecting network, * * problem still occurred. I opened up Notepad, and * * noticed text continued to be entered. Most is * * gibberish, but the intelligible text and words * * implies that it's not bad keyboard, etc. * * * ******************************************************
Tom was intrigued. He called up the end user to say that he’d be over in just a bit. He wandered down to her office, one of those cozy professorial spaces packed tight with decades of accumulated unlabeled folders and empty tea tins, and tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to reproduce the problem. The soft instrumental music on the radio soothed him a bit, but he definitely was getting a little frustrated. She felt it, too, and practically shouted: “I’m not crazy! I don’t understand! Usually whenever I open anything, they start right up!”
And at that moment, the words appeared. “Stand, you silly. We never eye a penny thing they start. Dry up.”
The classical piece on the radio came to a conclusion, and the announcer let listeners know that they had been listening to Bach. So did Notepad, although it spelled it “Bock” and said something about the “fast circling wagons” instead of “last symphony”. and it otherwise did a pretty good job.
It took another couple of minutes to figure out how to turn off Speech Recognition, since it wasn’t a feature that Tom – or quite obviously the user – had knowingly used before.
By Alex Papadimoulis
"I found a schizophrenic comment that either intentionally or unintentionally happens to be a haiku," wrote Ben Vanik, "svn blame says this single line is the work of 3 different people across 3 years of coding."
// should delete the temp files here, no cannot because, we havent read it in yet!
"I'm modifying some firmware for a product that has a serial connection," Fahrzin Hemmati writes, "this was found in the method that translates the incoming data into useful bytes."
//Clear it, or it, smack it, flip it, rub it down //(Oh nooooo...) mem[iAddress] &= ucClearBit; mem[iAddress] |= ucAssignBit;
"How do you feel when you see this code on the first day of your job?" wonders Ritesh
#define EIGHTY 256
"I found this piece of java code in our corporate directory," writes Peter S, "two of our JUnit test classes end in this method. I do not know if these were intended phuns/easter eggs."
@Test
public void testNothing() {
assertTrue("Assert just to keep JUnit happy!", true); }
"When debuging some client code I came across this," wrote Blair, "tmpnum8 was wrong. Now I just have to figure out what all the other tmpnums are..."
tmpnum6 = tmpnum2 + tmpnum * (tmpnum4 - tmpnum2); tmpnum7 = tmpnum3 + tmpnum * (tmpnum5 - tmpnum3); tmpnum8 = tmpnum6 + tmpnum1 * (tmpnum7 - tmpnum6);
"The previous developer on our OBIEE environment had some interesting ways of developing queries," wrote Bart, "not only did he not know about Oracle functions like NVL(), requiring him to write everything using lengthy CASE statements, also using joins seemed out of the question. This code is een excerpt from a _large_ view unioning large blocks of codes like this to eachother. I also like how he did code reuse, he copied large pieces of code to different views."
SELECT decode(authorization_kd, 3,3, 4,3, 6,3, 7,3, 34,3, 55,3, 57,3, 58,3, 24,4, 10,4, 11,4, 21,4, 71,4, 36,4, 37,4, 38,4, 13,4, 14,4, 84,4, 53,4, 15,4, 33,4, 31,4, 32,4, 09,5, 12,6, 52,6, 54,7, 19,8, 20,8, 79,8, 99,8, 9) process_kd FROM dossier WHERE authorization_kd NOT IN (1, 30, 35, 85, 86, 87, 16, 17, 18)
"Starting a work in a project is always a kind of challenge," notes Wiadran, "if the project is developed for years and written mostly in ASP classic... it might become a nightmare. Nevertheless, projects developed for years have some bright side as well: parts of not-understandable code and commentaries."
For intI = 7450 To 7450 'Now lets go and create the f*&ker ... snip... Next
Jimmi found yet another wrapper for the illusive '!' operator.
private static bool InvertBool(bool org)
{
bool returnValue = false;
if (org)
{
returnValue = false;
}
if (!org)
{
returnValue = true;
}
return returnValue;
}
"How many naming conventions can you find in the following line of code?" writes Malcom
StandardResponse UnSubscribeNewsletterUserAccount( string opTinGUID,string email, string sellingRegion, string source, DateTime opt_out_date, string strevent, string reason);
"While diving through some old code I'm maintaining, I found this jewel," Frank writes from the Submit-To-WTF Visual Studio Add-In, "Not only is this snippet a part of a rather intricate XML merge system, but it also merges the XML by string operations. To add insult to injury, the XML is not possible to define in a schema (as elements have to occur in certain patterns, while the name of the only valid elements in the XML 'schema' is either FLD or REC. The types of REC depends on the NAME attribute, and it is the NAME attribute that ultimately decides the order of the REC elements in the document. In other words, a truly fubar mess."
// Dear future developer(s):
// I have no idea who actually came up with such a glorious violation of the
// XML definition, but legacy systems being legacy systems means that we can't
// switch this.
// I feel for you, young padawan; I'd rahter kiss a wookie than mess with this.
if (line.IndexOf("REC NAME=\"Hovednivå\"") <= -1) continue;
By Alex Papadimoulis
I'm at CodeMash today (stop by the Inedo booth if you're there!), so I thought it'd be a great time for this classic. Rutherford, Price, Atkinson, Strickland, and Associates Dentistry, Inc was originally published on January 30th, 2008.
July 19th, 2004 marked a new chapter in New Portlandopolis’s rich dentistry history. It was on that day that the bitter rivalry between Dr. Rutherford, DDS; Dr. Price, DMD, DDS; Dr. Atkinson, DMD; and Dr. Strickland, DDS/DDS-PhD, had finally come to an end. Though there’s much debate on what exactly started the feud, everyone knows what brought the dentists together: the nationwide “denta-corps” that can out-price, out-service, and out-anything their small, family dental practices.
Although the partnership talks had begun years before, July 19th was their agreed-upon D-Day, wherein the four separate practices would officially combine to be Rutherford, Price, Atkinson, Strickland, and Associates Dentistry, Inc. In the months leading up to D-Day, and after much bickering and debate, the four dentists got everything ready from new signage to new logoed toothbrushes. The only thing that remained was combining their computer systems. That task was left to Aaron B, an IT consultant who had the pleasure of working with each office through many of the “ugly years.”
Fortunately for Aaron, each of the dentists used the same practice management system: Beaglesoft’s Practice EnterprisePlus. It certainly wasn’t the best software, but it was among the most expensive. Perhaps more-importantly, Beaglesoft offered all sorts of outrageously-priced add-ons that the dentists could buy to one-up one another. For example, a wand-shaped oral camera required a $7,000-per-site “camera driver,” in addition to the ungodly amount the camera cost in the first place. When Aaron plugged the camera into his laptop (which didn’t have any Beaglesoft software running), it was recognized as a plug-and-play camera and immediately started streaming video. Not that it mattered though; as soon as Dr. Price had his installed, the other three dentists had to get one as well.
“While our prices might seem high,” a Beaglesoft rep once told Aaron, “keep in mind that you’re paying for quality. Our products are rigorously tested to work in today’s and tomorrow’s high-tech dental office.”
And for that reason, Aaron wasn’t too worried about Beaglesoft’s portion of the D-Day migration. They assured him on several occasions that their latest and greatest – Beaglesoft Practice EnterprisePlus Elite with Networking – could network a “virtually unlimited” number of practices. The four Aaron was linking together was “chump change” compared to what the system could do.
When Friday, July 16th – the weekend before D-Day – had finally come, the dentists were ready. They closed their offices at noon and, per Beaglesoft’s instructions, initiated the migration process. Over the next twelve hours, so the plan went, each practice’s system would upload its data to the Central Server at Dr. Strickland’s office. Naturally, none of the other dentists were too thrilled about having a “Central Server”, especially one at Dr. Strickland’s.
Aaron arrived at Dr. Strickland’s office early Saturday morning to find a surprising message on the server: “Migration Completed Successfully.” He ran through some initial smoke tests and it appeared that the migration did, in fact, complete successfully. After a trip to the other three dentist offices, Aaron verified that he could access any patient’s file from any office. He called up the four dentists to share the good news: come Monday, they should be in business.
Monday came and, shortly thereafter, the four offices were out of business. The system had completely grinded to a halt. Every click of the mouse was met with a several-minute delay, and every delayed response was met with more clicking. Aaron, who happened to be on-site “just in case,” immediately suspected the newly-installed T1 lines.
Aaron called up the phone company. They ran a few diagnostics on their end, only to find that each office’s T1 line was completely pegged. Most certainly, the technician claimed, the problem was on their end. Perhaps a router gone haywire?
Aaron checked and rechecked the switches, the hardware, the ports, and the routers. He rebooted once, twice, and thrice. Everything seemed functional, aside from the fact that the Central Server was firing packets off non-stop.
Not sure what else to do, Aaron bridged his laptop between the Central Server and its switch. Within seconds, he logged hundreds of megabytes of data, far too much for anyone to go through in the middle of such a crisis. He had no choice but to take the “satellite” dentists offline to investigate the problem. They grew suspicious of this and, of course, Dr. Strickland, and demanded that there was foul-play involved.
With only a couple users accessing the Beaglesoft system, Aaron was able to get a handle on the traffic. As he assuaged the other dentists over the phone, Aaron noticed that a lot of the data seemed to be coming from SQL Server. Specifically, it was from queries like this:
SELECT * FROM Patients
Digging further, Aaron figured out that, whenever a user wanted to look up a patient, the program would run “SELECT * FROM Patients” query, returning the entire Patients table to the client computer.
What’s worse, the query would run any time a character was typed in the patient search box. Searching for just his first name – A-A-R-O-N – resulted in five SELECT * queries.
What’s still worse, the same method of client-side filtering was used for appointments. It wouldn’t just get, say, today’s appointments. Or this week’s. Or, say, any that haven’t happened yet. It would query for every appointment that they ever had or would have in the future. That’s about 100,000 rows.
And since each appointment involved a patient, it’d have to fire off queries for each appointment to download and filter information about the patient.
It was apparent that Beaglesoft’s “rigorous testing” of “Practice EnterprisePlus Elite with Networking” involved, perhaps, a single computer and two, maybe three patient records. He immediately called Beaglesoft to report their issues and a demand a resolution.
(an actual screenshot from Beaglesoft’s install directory)
Within a few hours, three of Beaglesoft’s finest were on a plane to New Portlandopolis. When they arrived, two of them split off to work on “de-migrating” the system into the original four databases. The other Beaglesoftie, a product manager, worked on “damage control” – and boy did she have a lot of damage to control.
By that time – ten hours into Rutherford, Price, Atkinson, Strickland, and Associates Dentistry, Inc’s first day – the dentists were at each other’s throats. Dr. Price blamed the mess on Dr. Strickland who was “online the entire time, ” while Dr. Strickland was convinced that Dr. Atkinson had somehow “spiked the T1s,” while Dr. Rutherford believed that Dr. Price “wanted to retire, and was bringing everyone else down.” Eventually, Dr. Atkinson stormed out and tore down the new "Rutherford, Price, Atkinson, Strickland, and Associates Dentistry, Inc" sign. As he stomped the sign into pieces, he vowed never to work together again. Things pretty much went downhill from there.
After things cooled down a bit with the dentists, the product manager met with Aaron. Angered that his future prospects looked like a repeat of the “ugly years”, he lambasted Beaglesoft’s latest and greatest, and asked why, oh why, they couldn’t have done some client-side caching. Or, at the very least, use the magical WHERE clause.
She was astonished by Aaron’s technical knowledge and eagerly asked more questions on “WHERE clauses and other optimization techniques.” Near the end of their conversation, she actually offered Aaron a job as a Lead Developer at Beaglesoft.
Aaron ended up declining the position. He figured that they’d never be willing to tar and feather the existing development staff. That, and after the Beaglesoft Fiasco of 2004 (as it’s called today), he’d have a lot of cleaning up and intra-dentist diplomacy to do. Besides, how could he miss taking part in the latest exciting chapter in the dentistry history of New Portlandopolis?
By Alex Papadimoulis
"One day, our logistics analysis vendor interface completely broke down," wrote Ben Davis, "that's a Bad ThingTM, as our primary focus is to provide logistical services to our clients."
"Fortunately, it didn't take too long to track the problem down. Our vendor was sending over unescaped ampersands in their XML API."
<customer_name>Brandon & Sons</customer_name>
"When I reported the problem to them, they responded rather curiously: technically, we are sending back valid XML as the ampersand does not necessarily need to be escaped.
"I pointed them to the XML specification along with a simple request to encode their XML properly. Instead, they responded with this. Is there something else we can switch it to on our side that you could look for and replace on yours? I.e. some kind of flag character we use in place of an ampersand? What about a $ symbol? So, if there's a $ sign in the name, you could convert that to an ampersand. On our side, we'll convert the ampersand to a $ sign and pass it over like that. Then your piece would do a search/replace on the account name and replace the $ with an ampersand?"
"Long story short, it was absolutely impossible for them to do a multi-character replacement... and somehow none of this is an issue for any of their other users. Oh, and now I'm replacing $ with ampersands in our code."
By Remy Porter
The company break room was, well, a company break room. Dull grey walls, acoustical tile dropped ceiling, burned coffee and a motivational poster featuring a sun setting over a beach. Leo sipped his coffee, pulled a face at the bitter taste, and muttered to Mike, "This sucks."
The Carribean island of Curaçao is known for sandy beaches, oil refining and open-air brothels. It's also notable for being a key junction where fiber lines from around the world branch off through the Americas. That last bit means that it's a popular location for running global datacenters. Leo's employer was a global business, and had not one, but two datacenters located on the island. The production datacenter handled millions of dollars of transactions every day. The backup datacenter didn't- in fact, it was being decomissioned, starting on this particular Monday.
Leo had been looking forward to decomissioning for months. The company scheduled a week for someone to run a disk shredder and pack the machines away into boxes. That basically amounted to a week long Carribean vacation, and Leo had seniority- in theory, that cushy gig was his.
It was a wonderful theory, but having seniority also meant having real work. Leo only loitered in the breakroom for a moment, dreaming of Curaçao, and then got back to the work of administering the IT resources of a global company. Leo, and his aides Mike, Rafe, and Don, were far too busy to jaunt off for a week in the Carribean. Instead, they needed to send someone they could spare. Someone who had nothing to contribute to their daily operations, but who could handle the simple task of booting machines off a thumb drive, waiting on a beach, and then boxing them up, and then waiting. On a beach.
They needed James Avery (A+, NET+, Security+, MCSE, MCSE+I, MCP, CCNA, CCNP). James had "worked" for the company since before Leo started, and would likely continue to "work" there long after. He was that peculiar class of over-certified dead weight that burrowed into an IT organization like a candiru. James was the sort of guy that felt putting the SQL Server Databases on the Internet-facing side of the firewall was fine- Windows security was really strong! He couldn't explain the difference between TCP and UDP, but he could hang every certification he ever got on the wall of his cube.
In its own weird way, sending James off to Curaçao was a bit of a vacation. Sure, Leo was stuck in the office, commuting into work in the dead of winter, but at least he didn't have to clean up after James's mess. For a week, James couldn't cause a single problem, because he'd be destroying HDDs in the backup datacenter.
Leo's phone dinged. He set his coffee down and checked his SMS alert. Before he even had it out of his pocket, it dinged three more times. A flood of texts from their monitoring system paralyzed his phone. Servers were going down, left and right. All of them.
Leo called the production DC even as Mike called the backup DC. James had never arrived at the backup DC, Mike learned. But he had definitely showed up at the production datacenter. James Avery (A+, Net+, Security+, MCSE, MCSE+I, MCSA, MCP, MOS, CCNA, CCNP, CCDE, SCSAS) had gone to the wrong address. He had flashed his ID badge, and without thinking once, let alone twice, he had started rebooting everything in a rackmount using the disk-shredding thumbdrive he brought with him.
The end result was a 24 hour outage, and a new nickname for James Avery (A+, Net+, Security+, RHCSA, MCSE, MCSE+I, MCSA, MCT, MCP, MOS, CCNA, CCNP, CCDE, SCSAS): "The Shredder". "The Shredder" didn't lose his job, but his co-workers didn't let him live down the mistake. They made it a habit of relocating the office paper shredder to his cube. He made a habit of complaining to HR about it.
Eventually, "The Shredder" had enough of this treatment, and left the company. He now adminsters the Windows network at the local nuclear power plant.
By Alex Papadimoulis
"I'm not sure how he did it," writes Joey, "but one of my colleagues convinced management that we needed a trouble ticketing system. Since we had been using email and post-it notes for many years, it was a welcome addition to the team. Well, at least it would have been... had it not been a home-grown system written by Chad."
"The good news was that Chad had previous experience building such a system. The masterpiece of his previous job was a trouble ticketing system written entirely in VBScript that ran inside of Excel. After several attempts to make it work for us (it had a bad habit of only working on very specific versions of Excel) he decided to start clean using PHP and MySQL. A web-based system was a welcome alternative to a spreadsheet... at least, it would have been had Chad not recently learned about a 'new technology' called AJAX.
"As it turned out, his 'week or two' estimate was a little too optimistic, and it took a solid eight months of mostly full-time work on the system before it was ready for production. Well, his definition of ready. It had countless odd bugs like forms disappearing, lists not populating correctly, edits not actually saving, and so on. After a few weeks of trying to use Chad's software, we just went back to the old email and post-it note system.
"Eventually, Chad left the company, and the higher ups asked me what it would take to make the system actually useful. I told them I would look at the code and see if I could help. One of the first bits I found was this.
function stateChangedbb()
{
try
{
if(xmlHttpx.readyState==4)
document.getElementById("txtresponse").innerHTML=xmlHttpx.responseText;
} catch (e) {
}
}
"The function name was a bit curious, and I noticed there were several similarly named functions. So I looked a little deeper.
$ grep -i "function statechanged" * ajaxlogin.js:function stateChangedcc() ajaxlogin.js:function stateChanged() CreateTicketMenu.js:function stateChangedf() CreateTicketMenu.js:function stateChangedsss() CreateTicketMenu.js:function stateChangedg() CreateTicketMenu.js:function stateChangedbb() CreateTicketMenu.js:function stateChangede() EquipmentMenu.js:function stateChangedr() EquipmentMenu.js:function stateChangeds() EquipmentMenu.js:function stateChangedt() EquipmentMenu.js: function stateChangedu() functions.js:function stateChangedd() functions.js:function stateChangedk() functions.js:function stateChangeduu() functions.js:function stateChangedoo() functions.js:function stateChangedmm() functions.js:function stateChangedc() functions.js:function stateChangedsu() functions.js:function stateChangedst() functions.js:function stateChangedsv() functions.js:function stateChangedrr() functions.js:function stateChangedb() functions.js:function stateChangeda() LocationsMenu.js:function stateChangedl() LocationsMenu.js:function stateChangedm() LocationsMenu.js:function stateChangedn() LocationsMenu.js:function stateChangedo() LocationsMenu.js:function stateChangedp() LocationsMenu.js:function stateChangedq() SaveNewTicket.js:function stateChangedh() SaveNewTicket.js:function stateChangedi() SaveNewTicket.js:function stateChangedj() viewTicket.js:function stateChangeddd() viewTicket.js:function stateChangedee()
"The only difference between any of the functions was that the xmlHttp variable had a similar 'add a letter' naming convention: xmlHttpa, xmlHttpb, etc. As with the function names, when he ran out of letters, he added a second. aa, ab, etc. And just for fun, the letters in the variable name very rarely matched the letters in the function name, so the function stateChangeda() used the variable xmlHttpop
"I told management that there was nothing worth saving, and we have yet to switch from email and post-it notes.
By Alex Papadimoulis
Cob spotted this in his local weekly flier.
"I got this error when I entered an incorrect password on Verizon's internet account management site," writes Cary, "my password did contain letters (just not the right ones), but really Verizon- I don't have that kind of time, and my keyboard doesn't easily support Runic or Cryllic."
"I have this clever 'Noom' app on my Android that tracks my workouts, what I eat, and so on," writes Daniel "Smedegaard" Buus, "but lately it's been tracking my movements rather erratically. Yesterday, taking a walk around a lake, it apparently tracked me as taking a quick detour around Africa's Horn, and then returning immediately. That's the first WTF, the second one is that I knew avocados were pretty fatty, but I had no idea they contained THAT much energy."
"As you might expect, this came from a government website," Steve wrote, "which may explain why it was vague and unhelpful."
"They really, deep down in the cockles of your heart, wanted me to write down my password, right?" writes Joseph Gordon, "Because if it has to be an EXACT character count, that's EXACTly what I did.
"I spotted this in Time Square (NYC) on the way to work," Daniel Boland commented, "I even risked looking like a tourist to take this photo."
"While we all love mindless compulsory corporate training," Mike P writes, "asking us to complete non-causal slideshows required far too much thought."
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
It only seems a moment since the EU was trying to restrict yields and improve quality. Now we ahve this:By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
For various reasons I've been a bit quiet in the past few weeks, but we have not stopped drinking and enjoying wine, as further posts will soon demonstrate.By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
This is the guide Mary and I translated - written by our friend Luc Poulain d'Andecy. Check it out here: http://tourisme-et-vignerons.blogspot.com/By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
This being a birthday month there are some specially good bottles among this lot. Our September tasting circle included 4 Chambolle Musignys and two village reds from the Côte de Nuits, of which only the 2007 C-M disappointed - not such a good year, perhaps too young.By noreply@blogger.com (Jon North)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
I never read the Daily Mail, but a friend drew my attention to this article on Languedoc wines. Spot-on from beginning to end. I'd only add that the other Picpoul de Pinet well worth buying the Domaine Félines available from Waitrose - or for much less from the Domaine near Mèze!!By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
The new edition of Hachette has arrived, always a good moment. It has been a standby in our search for new, interesting and delicious wines since the mid-1990s, and lately we have been pleased to find, quite often, that makers whom we have got to know and like by other routes have ended up listed in Hachette. Among our favourites in the 2012 edition are:
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
By Jon North (noreply@blogger.com)
A friend asked me about temperatures for serving wines (she's American and someone said Americans preferred their wines colder than other people!) and she sent me this chart, which seems to make sense:| Temp F | Temp C | Notes |
| Warm Bath | ||
| - | ||
| Vintage Port | ||
| Bordeaux, Shiraz | ||
| Red Burgundy, Cabernet | ||
| Rioja, Pinot Noir | ||
| Chianti, Zinfandel | ||
| Tawny/NV Port, Madeira | ||
| Ideal storage for all wines | ||
| Beaujolais, rose | ||
| Viognier, Sauternes | ||
| - | ||
| Chardonnay | ||
| Riesling | ||
| Champagne | ||
| Ice Wines | ||
| Asti Spumanti | ||
| - | ||
| - | ||
| Fridge Temperature | ||
| - | ||
| water freezes | ||
| Freezer Temperature |
By Iain Thomson
The ongoing world protests against SOPA, PIPA, and ACTA have helped inspire a revolt among scientists over the role of academic publisher Elsevier and its business practices.…
By Rik Myslewski
Jon Rubinstein, late of NeXT, FirePower, Apple, and Palm, has resigned from his position at HP, where he endured the mismanagement and eventual overboarding of Palm's webOS mobile operating system.…
By Ewen MacAskill
Romney takes lead in polls but is accused of dishonesty and negative campaigning as Republican nomination battle heats up
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is outspending his main rival Newt Gingrich by almost four to one in advertising in Florida, having spent a staggering $13.8m so far.
ABC reported that Romney had spent $5.6m and his super-political action committees $8.2m. Gingrich and his super-PAC has so far spent only $3.9m.
On television stations from Jacksonville in the north to Key West in the south, as well as radio stations, negative ads about Gingrich are near unavoidable, paid for either directly by the Romney campaign or by the super-PACs supporting him. The television spots, popping up regularly between ads for carpets, weather-resistant paint and holidays, focus on Gingrich's tempestuous years as House Speaker and ends with a picture of him with Obama, saying "If Newt wins, this guy (Obama) will be very happy."
The radio ad claim Gingrich has "more baggage than airlines".
Gingrich ads by comparison seem sparse, with a ratio that feels closer to six in one. Gingrich describes himself in the ads as the "true conservative". In another ad, yet to be broadcast, he accuses Romney of lying five times in the CNN debate on Thursday in Jacksonville, Florida.
Romney, clearly buoyed by his debate performance in which he showed a rare aggressive side to his personality and faced an unusually subdued Gingrich, made an oblique reference to his triumph during a campaign stop at Cape Canaveral, Florida, home of the US space industry. He said he had watched Barack Obama's State of the Union speech carefully "because I expect to debate him some day".
A lot of voters have been backing Gingrich because they felt Romney was not strong enough to take on Obama in debate.
In the Jacksonville debate, Romney described a Gingrich ad accusing him of being 'anti-immigrant" as repulsive.
On Friday, Gingrich said the reason he was subdued was because he was shocked by Romney's "totally dishonest" comments throughout the debate. "I think it's the most blatantly dishonest performance by a presidential candidate I've ever seen," he said.
One of the points the Gingrich team claim Romney lied about was that he had never voted for a Democrat but in fact in 1992 he was registered as an independent in Massachusetts and voted in the Democratic primary.
A Quinnipiac university poll, taken before the debate, put Romney ahead by 9% in Florida, compared with only 2% two days ago. It put Romney on 38%, Gingrich 29%, Ron Paul 14% and Rick Santorum 12%.
The space industry is a big issue in central Florida, with many companies dependent on it. Gingrich has promised to revitalise it and vowed that there would be a permanent US base on the moon by the end of his second term as president.
Romney has been less forthcoming. At Cape Canaveral he said "a strong and vibrant space programme is part of being an exceptional nation".
By
French and Afghan presidents call for withdrawal of all Nato troops in 2013 - a year earlier than US goal
The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, said on Friday that France and Afghanistan have agreed to ask Nato to bring forward the handover of all combat operations to Afghan forces to 2013.
Sarkozy also announced an accelerated exit for France, the fourth-largest contributor of troops in Afghanistan – marking a break from previous plans to adhere to the US goal of withdrawing combat forces by the end of 2014. The proposal comes a week after four unarmed French troops were killed by an Afghan soldier.
Sarkozy, alongside Afghan president Hamid Karzai who was in Paris for a previously planned visit, said France had told the US of its plan, and will present it at a meeting next week of Nato defence ministers in Brussels. He said he would call the US president, Barack Obama, about it on Saturday.
The new idea floated by Sarkozy would accelerate a gradual drawdown of Nato troops that Obama has planned to see through until the end of 2014.
Sarkozy said France will withdraw combat troops by the end of 2013, a reversal from his repeated commitment in recent months to stick with other allies on a US-led schedule.
At the same time, he said France will restart its training missions of Afghan troops. After the shootings on 20 January, he suspended the training and joint French military patrols with Afghan forces.
By Maya Jaggi
'There is a tendency for poets and painters in the Arab world to be politically engaged'
Adonis, the greatest living poet of the Arab world, ushers me down a labyrinthine corridor in a stately building in Paris, near the Champs Elysées. The plush offices belong to a benefactor, a Syrian-born businessman funding the poet's latest venture – a cultural journal in Arabic, which he edits. Fetching a bulky manuscript of the imminent third issue of the Other, Adonis hefts it excitedly on to a coffee table, listing the contributors "from west and east", many of them of his grandchildren's generation. He turned 82 this month. His eyes spark: "We want new talents with new ideas."
A Syrian-born poet, critic and essayist, and a staunch secularist who sees himself as a "pagan prophet", Adonis has been writing poetry for 70 years. He led a modernist revolution in the second half of the 20th century, exerting a seismic influence on Arabic poetry comparable to TS Eliot's in the anglophone world. Aged 17, he adopted the name of the Greek fertility god (pronounced Adon-ees, with the stress on the last syllable) to alert napping editors to his precocious talent and his pre-Islamic, pan-Mediterranean muses. Since the death of the Palestinian poet Mahmoud Darwish in 2008, it would be hard to argue for a poet of greater stature in a literary culture where poetry is the most prestigious form as well as being popular.
He moved to Paris in 1985, and was named a commander of France's Order of Arts and Letters in 1997. Last year he was the first Arab writer to win the Goethe prize in Germany, and each autumn is credibly tipped for the Nobel in literature – the only Arab recipient of which to date was the Egyptian novelist Naguib Mahfouz in 1988. Though Adonis was Ladbroke's favourite in the year of the Arab spring, he does not begrudge the Swedish poet Tomas Tranströmer his laurels, having introduced him to audiences on a tour of Arab countries. When the uprisings began in Tunisia and Egypt last year, he wrote "little poems to express my joy and happiness". Yet joy gave way to caution, and warnings of tragedy. "It's the Arab youth that created this spring, and it's the first time Arabs are not imitating the west – it's extraordinary," he says. "But despite this, it's the Islamists and merchants and Americans who have picked the fruits of this revolutionary moment." His reservations sparked impatience and were widely attacked: Sinan Antoon, an Iraqi poet, novelist and assistant professor at New York University, claimed that the Arab spring has "consigned Adonis, the self-proclaimed revolutionary, to irrelevance".
There is, Adonis says, a "tendency for poets and painters in the Arab world to be politically engaged. There's a lot to fight for: for human rights and the Palestinians; and against colonialism, Arab despotism and closed thinking among fundamentalists. I'm not against this engagement, or against them – but I'm not like them. A creator always has to be with what's revolutionary, but he should never be like the revolutionaries. He can't speak the same language or work in the same political environment." He adds that he is "radically against the use of violence – I'm with Gandhi, not Guevara."
Like VS Naipaul, a friend who has praised him as a "master of our times", Adonis can be a contrarian, though he lacks Naipaul's acidity and irrascibility. For critics, some of his pronouncements on the "extinction" of Arab culture, or the "Arab mind", have an orientalist taint. Yet his translator Khaled Mattawa, an Arab American poet, sees it as measured iconoclasm: "He's been unsparing against the deeply rooted forces of intolerance in Arab thought, but also celebratory of regenerative streaks in Arab culture."
Although English translations of his poetry have lagged behind French, in the past decade there have been five collections: Mattawa's Adonis: Selected Poems won the Saif Ghobash-Banipal prize for Arabic translation. Adonis will be coming to London for the award ceremony next month, and also to take part in a two-month celebration of his work, "A Tribute to Adonis", at West London's Mosaic Rooms starting on February 3, which includes an exhibition of the poet's recent art works. He began making small collages using Arabic calligraphy 10 years ago, during a listless period of poet's block, and friends suggested he exhibit them. "I found another way to express my relation to things, other than the word." He uses parchments and rags, "bits and pieces of nothing, thrown away. I rarely use colour; I prefer ripped things," adding fragments of his own poems, as well as classical Arabic poetry "as a homage".
Last June, amid the bloody crackdown on the Syrian uprising, Adonis wrote an open letter to Syria's President Bashar al-Assad in the Lebanese newspaper al-Safir - "as a citizen," he stresses. Describing Syria as a brutal police state, he attacked the ruling Ba'ath party, called on the president to step down, and warned that "you cannot imprison an entire nation". He was none the less taken to task for addressing a tyrant as an elected president, and criticising the "violent tendencies" of some of his opponents. "That's why I said I'm not like the revolutionaries," he says. "I'm with them, but I don't speak the same language. They're like school teachers telling you how to speak, and to repeat the same words. Whereas I left Syria in 1956 and I've been in conflict with it for more than 50 years. I've never met either Assad [Bashar or his father, Hafez]. I was among the first to criticise the Ba'ath party, because I'm against an ideology based on a singleness of ideas.
"What's really absurd is that the Arab opposition to dictators refuses any critique; it's a vicious circle. So someone who is against despotism in all its forms can't be either with the regime or with those who call themselves its opponents. The opposition is a regime avant la lettre." He adds: "In our tradition, unfortunately, everything is based on unity – the oneness of God, of politics, of the people. We can't ever arrive at democracy with this mentality, because democracy is based on understanding the other as different. You can't think you hold the truth, and that nobody else has it."
His mother, aged 107, still lives in Syria. For 20 years after he left the country (when released from a year's imprisonment for membership of an opposition party), he was unable to see her. From 1976, he visited each year until two years ago, when "friends said it might be dangerous". But he is adamant that family circumstances have "never stopped me from saying what I think". Of those who accuse him of tardiness or equivocation in condemning the Syrian regime, he says wearily: "I've written many articles – I have a book of them coming out that's 200 pages long. These people don't read."
He lives on the outskirts of Paris, beyond la Défense, with his wife, Khalida Said, a literary critic. "For me she's a great critic, one of the best. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we disagree." They have two daughters: Arwad, who is director of the House of World Cultures in Paris; and Ninar, an artist who moves between Paris and Beirut. Adonis shows little sign of having just spent seven months in Lebanon convalescing from two major operations. Before that, he had announced his retirement from poetry. It was while writing a long poem against monotheism, "Concerto for Jerusalem". "Jerusalem is a city of three monotheistic religions," he says. "If there's one God, it should be beautiful. Instead, it's the most inhuman city in the world. I said I was stopping poetry as an act of defiance." But alluding to his muses, he laughs: "The pre-monotheistic goddesses didn't let me retire."
He was born Ali Ahmad Said Esber in 1930, in Qassabin in western Syria, a "poor village isolated in the mountains". His parents were farmers, and he had no early formal schooling. "I'd never seen a car, electricity or a telephone till I was 13. I always ask myself how I was transformed into this other person; it was almost miraculous." His love of poetry was nurtured by his father, and at Qur'anic school. Aged 13, when he impressed the president of the newly established Syrian republic by reciting one of his own poems, his reward was a scholarship to the French lycée. He studied philosophy at Damascus university, and later did a doctorate in Lebanon.
During a year in Paris in 1960, he found his voice in the poem Mihyar of Damascus: His Song (1961), with echoes of Noah, Adam, Ulysses and Orpheus. While for him, poetry and religion are rivals, Sufi mysticism is a force for renewal. Sufism and Surrealism – the title of his 1995 book – are united in the idea, as he expressed it in a poem, that reality is "nothing but skin that crumbles as soon as you touch it". He is also drawn to a mystical view that identity is not fixed: "A human being creates his identity in creating his oeuvre." Yet Sufism is more profound than surrealism or existentialism, he says, "because it's related to a revolutionary idea – that the other is me; that I am the other. If I travel towards myself, I must go through the other."
This is no philosophical nicety. His family belonged to the Shia minority Alawites, and it is sometimes suggested that this gives him his sense of being apart. "It's not being Alawite that gives me a sense of difference," he objects, "but the present state of the Arab world. A man isn't Protestant, Catholic, Sunni or Shia by birth; it's through projects and pathways that men become Shia or Alawite. I never subscribed to that." He joined the secular Syrian Social Nationalist party, opposed to the colonisation and partition of Syria, "partly to get out of concepts of minorities and majorities". He was duly jailed during his military service in the mid-1950s. Since he quit the party in 1960, he has never belonged to another. "I was only 14 or 15 when I joined – a child. Later, I said I can't be both poet and politically engaged. Ideology is against art."
Beirut, where he fled with his wife into exile in 1956, was a "second birth". He co-founded influential magazines, Shir (Poetry) and Mawaquif (Position), embracing colloquial Arabic and opposing both Arab nationalism and poetry as propaganda. TS Eliot was one of the first poets they interviewed, and Adonis collaborated on translations of The Waste Land, as well as on the works of Ezra Pound, Stephen Spender, Philip Larkin and Robert Lowell. He combined new sources with an encyclopaedic, "virgin" reading of Arabic classics. True creation, he says, is "always modern because it speaks to us – Ovid, Heraclitus, Homer, Dante. What's not modern are the imitators. In classical Arabic poetry, you have to know how to distinguish between the greats and their imitators."
His long poem This Is My Name (1970) was spurred by shock at the Arab defeat of 1967. The Book of Siege (1982) came out of the Lebanese civil war that began in 1975, and the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon, which he lived through, before leaving for Paris. As he wrote in the opening lines: "The cities dissolve, and the earth is a cart loaded with dust. / Only poetry knows how to pair itself to this space." The six-day war "was terrible, but I wasn't conscious then of its tragic nature, as I was in 1982," he says.
He had first welcomed the Iranian revolution of 1979, but swiftly rejected its reactionary turn. His book The Fixed and the Changing (1974) on a struggle between creativity and intolerance in the Arab world, identified an Arab malaise of "pastism", which he defines now as seeing the past as the "source you must return to, despite the river running on with time. One has to break this circular time. You can't have a revolution to go back to the past."
As the Arab uprisings spread, Adonis said in a television interview that he could not take part in a revolution that emanated from the mosques. He was accused of siding with the regimes, and being out of touch with the dire circumstance of revolt. Asked whether he supports the peaceful protests, he spreads his arms as though pulling a concertina: "If you have a petition, I'll sign it." Does he worry that his words echo Arab dictators who pose as bulwarks against Islamists? "But with a difference," he says. "I'm against the regimes of Ben Ali and Assad, and against the Islamist opposition, because I don't want to fight one despotism for the sake of another ... If we don't separate religion from the state, and free women from Sharia law, we'll just have more despots. Military dictatorship controls your mind. But religious dictatorship controls your mind and body."
What of Islamist power through the ballot box? "In that case, democracy won't be a criterion of progress, so the notion of democracy has to be rethought. Truth is not always on the side of democracy – what can you do?" He concedes that democracy, "with all its failings, is much less bad than dictatorship". Rule by democratically elected Islamists would, "absolutely be better – but I'd be against it".
With Syria teetering on civil war – and speaking before President al-Assad rejected Arab League calls to step down – Adonis was unequivocal that "the present regime absolutely has to go. The Ba'ath party has to go, and another regime to be put in place that's secular, democratic and pluralist." Yet he is against both armed uprising and foreign intervention. "Guns can't resolve these problems. If everyone took up arms, there'd be civil war." Outside military intervention has "destroyed Arab countries, from Iraq to Libya". As for its humanitarian rationale, "it's not true – it's to colonise. If westerners really want to defend Arab human rights, they have to start by defending the rights of the Palestinians."
Calls for intervention from within Arab countries "are wrong; it doesn't make sense. How can you build the foundations of the state with the help of the same people who colonised these countries before?" At a talk this month in the House of Poetry in Paris, he held up a photograph published in al-Quds of some US soldiers in Iraq apparently desecrating the dead. "American soldiers pissed on Iraqi corpses," he says indignantly. "So these are the same people they want to call in to liberate Arabs, and piss on the living?"
Yet within the west, he argues "there are many wests – of Rimbaud, Whitman and Eliot, and of Bush, Sarkozy and Cameron." Explaining his view of Arab culture as extinct, he says: "What is civilisation? It's the creation of something new, like a painting. A people that no longer creates becomes a consumer of the products of others. That's what I mean by the Arabs being finished – not as a people, but as a creative presence."
Adonis holds no hope that poetry can change society. To do that, "you have to change its structures – family, education, politics. That's work art cannot do". Yet he believes it can change the "relationship between things and words, so a new image of the world can be born." Theorising about poetry is "like speaking about love. There are some things you can't explain. The world is not created to be understood, but to be contemplated and questioned."
By Vikram Dodd
• Cameron 'not doing enough to tackle racial prejudice'
• Murdered boy's brother stopped and searched 20 times
• Trust set up to help deprived youth has money problems
Doreen Lawrence has said David Cameron's government is not doing enough to tackle racial prejudice, which continues to blight society, and has warned that spending cuts will hit working-class and black Britons the hardest.
In a Guardian interview, Lawrence says the government has huge powers to make a difference in leading the fight against racism, but says: "I've not heard them talk about race."
Earlier this month her 18-year battle for justice saw Gary Dobson and David Norris convicted of the 1993 racist murder of her son Stephen by a white gang in south London. The murder led to a public inquiry that exposed police failings and prejudice in the ranks and in wider society.
In the interview, she reveals:
• While the police were failing to catch her son's murderers, they managed to stop his brother 20 times as a criminal suspect.
• Police also managed to stop Mrs Lawrence the year after the murder and told her she was suspected of driving a stolen car. She says continuing racist stereotyping by officers explains why African-Caribbeans are more likely to be stopped.
• She was told she should be "ashamed to show our faces" by a police employee, during a visit to Scotland Yard in 2009 to discuss her son's murder.
• The trust she set up in Stephen's name to help youngsters from deprived backgrounds to realise their ambitions is in financial trouble.
Lawrence criticises the government's record on race, saying they are squandering the opportunity to restart the war against prejudice presented by the conviction of two men for her son's murder.
She says the convictions have at least temporarily put the battle against racial discrimination back on the agenda, after years of the fight having stalled. "There is a lot they can do. People take their lead from the government. If the prime minister said 'this is what I'd like to see happen in our society' ... people will try to work towards that. At the moment, I'm not sure exactly what they are doing around race."
Cameron has tried to cleanse the Tories of their "nasty party" image, but the criticism from one of the leading black figures in Britain raises questions about that. Cameron, Lawrence says, was wrong to attack multiculturalism in a speech last year. "Sometimes people misinterpret what the word means," she says.
Recalling longstanding Conservative hostility – the party opposed the setting up of the Macpherson inquiry, and attacked its findings – she notes some top Tories have changed their tune, such as Boris Johnson, who once attacked the Macpherson reforms but of whom she quips: "He's changed completely. He's my best friend now."
She says she regrets that after the guilty verdicts no minister sent a letter "in recognition of what has been denied for so long". Her surviving son, Stuart, said: "David Cameron has not sent my mum a letter saying sorry it has taken so long. It shows the stance of the Conservative government. I don't think they care at all."
Mrs Lawrence said the government may be preoccupied with the economy, but warned that spending cuts would hurt those who have least. "It is the working class and black people who are going to suffer the most – they are at the bottom of the ladder."
She said some of the reforms proposed by Macpherson had made Britain less racially prejudiced, but much more could have been done: "It's like a missed opportunity. For so long the perception is we've dealt with race, so we can move on. Under the surface they have not dealt with race – it is still there."
People suffering discrimination contact Mrs Lawrence for help – "families feel there is a lot of discrimination happening" – and she believes black Britons have to be four times better than their white counterparts to get as far. Stop and search, which she says police use disproportionately against African-Caribbeans, "has a great effect on their lives" and racist stereotyping is to blame: "Because in their mindset they still believe that they are criminals."
Despite the fact that the Lawrences have been praised by prime ministers and police chiefs as a model law-abiding family, Mrs Lawrence, Stuart and her former husband, Neville, have all been stopped under stop-and-search powers. Stuart has been stopped more than 20 times: "He will be on the phone saying 'mum I can't believe they have stopped me again'."
Once, after she complained, a police chief suggested an officer who had stopped Stuart should meet him and discuss why. The officer refused to do so. Stuart said: "There is no reason I can give, other than I am a young black man, who usually wears a baseball cap in my car, which is my God-given right." Asked if it is possible police were targeting her son because of any suggestion of criminality, she said: "He's a teacher for goodness sake."
Mrs Lawrence reveals she was stopped in 1994, a year after Stephen's murder, by police who first said she might have been drinking. When she pressed them to breathalyse her, they suggested she had been driving erractically, then that it was possible she was driving a stolen car.
She says the police were wrong to claim they were no longer institutionally racist, as Macpherson had found, and said in September 2009, on a visit to Scotland Yard, one staff member had said "we should be ashamed to show our face in the building".
The Metropolitan police said: "The incident that Mrs Lawrence referred to was completely unacceptable and the individual was immediately dealt with by their line manager." The force added it is "immeasurably different to 1993" and that the Lawrence case had "contributed to major changes within policing".
Lawrence described Norris and Dobson as "pure evil". Asked if she, a churchgoing Christian, could see herself forgiving the racists who killed her son, she said: "You can only forgive somebody, something, who asks for forgiveness, who admits their wrongs and they have never done that."
She believes there is very little chance of the other men suspected of her son's murder standing trial. She will now focus her efforts on the Stephen Lawrence trust which gives young people opportunities.
She met Cameron once, when he was in opposition: he came to a memorial service to mark the 15th anniversary of Stephen's death. Cameron and Nick Clegg sent a letter in support of a fundraising dinner for the trust, and the home secretary had visited its south London base, which Lawrence appreciated.
A Downing Street spokesperson said the PM admired Lawrence for her "great bravery" and her family's "tireless fight for justice" and added: "He also recently made clear that he believes that although things have changed for the better, there is still a problem with racism in this country and more work to be done to tackle it."
No 10 added that "a new action plan to tackle hate crime" would be unveiled soon, building on "one of the strongest legislative frameworks anywhere in the world", as would "a new approach to the integration of local communities".
Lawrence said the trust was facing a cash crisis and needs to plug a £150,000 shortfall by the end of March.
• Donations to the Stephen Lawrence Charitable Trust can be given:
• By credit card or paypal at the trust's JustGiving web page click here justgiving.com/slct/donate
• By texting SLCT18 followed by the £ symbol, then the amount to 70070
• By bank deposit to the following account: sort code 30-94-08 account number 02963035
• By cheque, made payable to Stephen Lawrence Charitable Trust and sent to 39 Brookmill Road, Deptford, London SE8 4HU.
By Nicholas Watt, Larry Elliott, Jill Treanor
Row erupts after prime minister claims that MPs had no choice but to agree to RBS head's bonus are challenged by Labour
David Cameron was under fire for failing to intervene to block a bonus of nearly £1m for Royal Bank of Scotland's chief executive, Stephen Hester, and for allegedly misleading parliament after he blamed Labour for negotiating a contract that prevented the government from intervening.
Boris Johnson, the mayor of London, speaking in Davos, piled the pressure on the prime minister by describing the bonus as "absolutely bewildering". Labour called on Cameron to appear before MPs to explain why he did nothing to block the bonus.
The row erupted on Friday morning when Lord Myners, the former Labour Treasury minister who negotiated the contracts with the new state-controlled banks, challenged the prime minister's claim that ministers had no choice but to agree to the Hester bonus, announced in the same week that the coalition announced proposals to hand shareholders more power to block pay deals.
"There is nothing in the employment contract of Stephen Hester or any director of Royal Bank of Scotland which binds the company or its remuneration committee to pay a mandatory bonus," Myners said. "All matters relating to bonuses are at the full discretion of the board of directors and the shareholders, including UKFI, who have elected them."
The prime minister, who indicated in recent weeks that Hester's bonus would be less than £1m, said the government had little room for manoeuvre because of the contract negotiated by the last government. The bonus is in shares, which rose to £981,000 last night – up from the £963,000 they were valued at by the bank in its announcement late on Thursday. The exact value will be determined in 2014 when he finally receives them while a three-year bonus he was handed in shares shortly after he joined in October 2008 – worth £6.4m – has now been deemed worthless by the bank.
Downing Street said that Hester's contract meant that he had to be considered for a bonus in "good faith". But the prime minister's spokesman admitted that a bonus was not mandatory and that the government, through UK Financial Investments, could have blocked it.
The spokesman said: "The contract says that he should be considered for bonus in good faith. That decision is taken by the board. Yes, shareholders have a role in that. UKFI, as the government's shareholder, takes a very active interest. But we are not the only shareholder in that company … The board is required to act in the interests of all its shareholders and the board takes this decision."
Downing Street admitted that Cameron was not relaxed by the bonus but said that Hester has reduced the RBS balance sheet by £0.5tn and has increased business lending in the last year.
But George Osborne, the chancellor, defended the bonus after a speech in Davos – but also distanced the government from the decision. "I would bet his bonus will be a lot less than the bonuses of other people running banks are going to get and half of what he got last year."
Bob Diamond, chief executive of Barclays – who was also in Davos, speaking at an event on "building trust" – refused to talk specifically about Hester's bonus, but commented: "If we don't celebrate reward for success we won't have an economy."
Diamond declined to comment on the scale of his own bonus, which could be in the region of £10m.
Osborne added: "The alternatives [to the Hester payout] would have been worse for the taxpayer. Either there would have been a much larger bonus, of the kind he would have got a few years ago. Or the British government would have had to take over complete ownership of RBS and over-ruled the board, and I think that would have cost the taxpayer more as well."
His comments did not appease critics. Ed Miliband, also in Davos, described it as a " disgraceful failure of leadership" by the prime minister. "He owns, through the British government, 83% of the Royal Bank of Scotland. He must now explain, not least to the British people, why he has allowed this to happen."
Labour sought to increase the pressure on the government by writing to the prime minister to ask him to set out to MPs why he said he was bound by a contract which is flexible.
Simon Danczuk, a Labour MP, said in the letter: " I trust you will want to come to the house to explain why you previously told the house that you did not have any such power, as well as to explain why your government has decided, in its role as the majority shareholder in RBS, to approve a bonus to Stephen Hester worth almost £1m."
The TUC's general secretary, Brendan Barber, also in Davos, described the decision to hand Hester a bonus as terrible. "The government might have been able to subcontract the decision [to UK Financial Investments] but they can't sidestep the responsibility." Already doubful that government plans to hand shareholders new powers to tackle high pay would be effective, Barber said: "The government through their stakes in the banks had the possibility of sending the signal. They've really bottled the decision".
It is not clear whether John Hourican, head of the RBS investment bank or Ellen Alemany, head of the US bank, will receive their bonuses this year.
By Patrick Wintour
Shadow foreign secretary warns that public has not heard enough from Labour party about how it would cut the deficit
Douglas Alexander, the shadow foreign secretary, is warning Labour it has only created a bridgehead towards establishing economic credibility and will need to talk "a lot more" about bringing the deficit down if it is to reap political dividends from the government's economic failure.
Making a rare intervention in the debate on Labour's economic approach, he said in a Guardian interview: "I don't think the public has yet heard us talking enough about dealing with the deficit, as well as talking about the need to boost growth and jobs."
He also warned the Scottish first minister, Alex Salmond, that he will endanger the patience of Scotland if he is seen to be trying to fix a referendum on independence.
Alexander added that Labour would support a cap on household welfare benefits, saying: "This is a difficult but necessary step but let us be clear we support the principle, of a benefit cap, but with the important caveat that it should not render people homeless."
Regarded as one of the party's key strategists, Alexander's intervention is likely to be taken as a sign of determination within the shadow cabinet not to lose the momentum created by the two big speeches by leader Ed Miliband and Ed Balls, the shadow chancellor, insisting Labour needed to adjust to an era of austerity, including the need for further spending cuts after the 2015 election.
Balls committed the party to a continued public sector pay freeze, so long as extra help is given to the low paid, a move that prompted a furious union response and was described by Miliband as a watershed for his leadership.
Some critics have accused Miliband of running up the white flag on economic policy, and others that the message is still confused. Alexander believes the party now has to go further to convince the electorate of its credentials, and suggests it has to rebalance its rhetorical emphasis from stimulus to deficit.
He said: "There have always been two parts to the Labour argument – a short-term stimulus now to get the economy moving and medium-term cuts to get the deficit down.
"It was always vital that we won the first part of that argument – that the government are going too far and too fast – and I think thanks to Ed Miliband and Ed Balls we are winning that argument.
"But the second half of that argument – that the deficit has to come down – has to be emphasised more, and all of us have a responsibility to make that case. We have talked a lot about the first and we need to talk a lot more about the second"
He added: "We must convince the public of our commitment to both parts of our argument – securing growth and securing deficit reduction. We have to be heard on both sides of our argument to win."
He also praised Balls's announcement on keeping the public sector pay freeze as the best way to keep people in work. "Ed's was just the first tough choice of many – credibility will involve other tough choices. We cannot promise now to reverse every Tory cut, not least because we do not know the state of public finances in 2015.
"To some that may seem controversial, to me it is common sense. Securing economic credibility is never easy, but it is always essential – fiscal realism is the only path to power."
Urging his party not to back away, he said: "We need to step into this conversation and not step away from it. This is not about positioning against the unions or even towards the electorate. It is more fundamental than that - it is about being open about the condition of the economy. For me fiscal realism is not a betrayal of Labour values, it is the foundation by which we win the trust of the public."
Alexander also urged his party to recognise that the public are in the mood to hear realism from politicians, rather than evasions. "My sense is that, given people's real worries about the economy, there is a yearning for politicians to level with the public. They want us to be honest about the difficult decisions we face to ensure that Britain earns its living and pays its way in the world in the tough years ahead."
Faced by the warnings of disaffiliation by some unions in response to the leadership's shift, Alexander said: "Labour has to hold its nerve. Some of our own supporters will be upset, but we cannot have a reverse gear on this. This is just the start of a difficult process – the two speeches were a beachhead."
He also warned his party that the public would not regard Labour as credible simply if Conservative austerity economics turned out to have failed. Such a view, he said, would be wrong and complacent.
With Labour level pegging with the Tories in the polls he says: "At the time of the Autumn statement we saw that economic failure for the Tories did not translate into political success for us. The task for all of us is to ensure that George Osborne's economic failure becomes an electoral failure for him as well . We will not win the next election just because George Osborne is being exposed as making the wrong economic judgements. The Tory economic policy is clear and it is clearly wrong – you cannot simply cut your way to recovery".
But Alexander argued that the party was paying the price for a deeper failure to be straight with the electorate before the 2010 election, saying: "We should have been much clearer much sooner after the crisis in 2008 about the consequences."
That failure created a benign political environment for the Conservatives. He said: "From 2007 to 2011, the Conservatives worked very hard to establish a public language and a public logic that the crisis was caused by Labour's actions in government. Both Ed Balls and Ed Miliband made important steps forward in correcting that in recent speeches. We all have a responsibility to continue that process."
On Scotland, he said Salmond was trying to avoid a straight choice between separation and the status quo by promoting a third option of greater independence within the UK.
He said: "He is on the horns of a dilemma. He knows he is selling a product that the Scottish people do not want to buy – that is why he is scrambling around trying to find a get out of jail card, and his card is devo max. He cannot explain it, he cannot define it but he hopes it will provide a means by which he can claim victory when he suffers defeat over the sovereignty question.
"As I understand it, Salmond said this week that if 99.5% voted for devo max and 50.1% voted for independence, then Scotland would be independent – try explaining that. If he goes on like this, the tolerance of the public will be strained if this looks like an attempt to rig a referendum. We need a clear and decisive question on independence, and soon.
''The Scottish [Labour] party leader Johann Lamont recently said it is as if he is Moses and he has taken people to the top of the mountain, and shown them the promised land, and then said why don't we camp here for two years."
By Julian Borger, Charles Arthur
Tweets don't always flow freely – voice of Arab spring accused of imposing gagging system in some countries
"The Tweets must flow", Twitter declared a year ago, and quickly became an instrument of fast-moving revolution across the Arab world, coordinating mass protests in Egypt and sidestepping the state censorship in Syria. But, the microblogging site conceded that the tweets would not flow evenly in every country.
The company was accused of censorship by many users and threatened with a one-day boycott on Saturday after announcing that it could remove tweets in certain countries which have "different ideas about the contours of freedom of expression".
Twitter insisted that it would not use the gagging system in a blanket fashion, but would apply it on a case-by-case basis, as it happens when governments or organisations complain about individual tweets. But the reassurances were not enough to prevent a torrent of outrage from twitter users and freedom of speech campaigners.
Jeff Jarvis, the media commentator, said the move set the microblogging site onto the "slippery slope of censorship". "I understand why Twitter is doing this – they want to be able to enter more countries and deal with the local laws," he said. "But, as Google learned in China, when you become the agent of the censor, there are problems there."
Ai Weiwei, the Chinese artist and dissident, put it more simply, posting: "If Twitter starts censoring, I'll stop tweeting".
In a blog on its website, Twitter argued that the change marked an improvement as previously "the only way we could take account of those countries' limits was to remove content globally".
"Starting today, we give ourselves the ability to reactively withhold content from users in a specific country – while keeping it available in the rest of the world," the blogpost said, citing the prohibition of pro-Nazi content in France and Germany. The company also said that any user whose tweets were withheld would be notified, and stressed that Twitter's transparency would be maintained by flagging any withheld tweets on an independent website, Chillings Effects, maintained by the Electronic Frontier Foundation and a group of universities.
The announcement came a day after the first anniversary of the Tahrir Square protests in Egypt, in which Twitter played a prominent role drawing particular criticism from Middle Eastern users. More than half the posts marked with the hashtag #TwitterCensored were in Arabic.
One tweeter from a Gulf Arab state, @abatmeem, parodied the Twitter logo by showing a dead blue bird on its back with feet in the air. "Twitter punctured the silence with its beak, and now it has provoked the tyrants to take revenge," @abatmeem tweeted. "Sorry Twitter bird, you are no longer that bird that could sing all tunes. You have become a parrot that repeats only what is required of it."
Other critical tweets showed the blue bird with a red cross or black strip over its beak. Another Arabic tweeter, @alanoud45 demanded: "How much did they pay you, Twitter?"Twitter insists that the system will only formalise a method it already uses, where tweets are blocked or deleted after full judicial process. Being able to limit tweets to particular countries, rather than blocking them altogether, expands its ability to "let tweets flow".
In theory the system could have been used last year in the UK to block tweets exposing details hidden by superinjunctions about celebrities, or in 2010 when Trafigura used a superinjunction to block the Guardian and BBC from revealing details about a report on activities in Africa. A number of superinjunctions have been abandoned after details leaked on Twitter, to the displeasure of some judges.
Google, Yahoo, eBay and Facebook use similar systems to control what content is shown in which countries.
In China, Google indicates when a search result has been censored. In the same way, blocked tweets will say: "This tweet from [username] is withheld." The blocking can work at the individual tweet or account level.
The US civil liberties website, Demand Progress, opened a petition declaring: "Twitter's importance as an open platform has been demonstrated time and again this year. We need you to keep fighting for and enabling freedom of expression – not rationalize away totalitarianism as a legitimate 'different idea'."
Some bloggers speculated the announcement could have been linked to a $300m (£191m) )investment in Twitter made in December by Saudi prince, Alwaleed Bin Talal, but that was denied by Twitter's counsel, Alex Macgillivray.
Jillian York, of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, argued that the change was inevitable, given Twitter's global presence. "This is censorship. There's no way around that. But alas, Twitter is not above the law," she wrote.
"Just about every company hosting user-generated content has, at one point or another, gotten an order or government request to take down content," York argued. "Google lays out its orders in its transparency report. Other companies are less forthright. In any case, Twitter has two options in the event of a request: Fail to comply, and risk being blocked by the government in question, or comply [read: censor] And if they have 'boots on the ground', so to speak, in the country in question? No choice."
It will give users the option to define their country as "worldwide", and that "will show all public tweets" (which would include banned ones).
Twitter spokesperson Jodi Olson said: "We want to reach every person on the planet, and to make Twitter available to people everywhere. The distinction is there are countries which Twitter will not operate in as a business."
Twitter's funding model is to sell adverts against users' tweets, and also to let businesses buy "sponsored" tweets and "trends". By setting up businesses in specific countries, it can sell adverts in those countries for local users. But the service still operates in countries where it does not have its own local operation.
Twitter is not the first internet giant to control the transmission of content in certain countries.
Yahoo Was sued in 2000 by French civil liberties groups over the sale of Nazi memorabilia via its auction facility. Yahoo had blocked the sale but argued that as it is based in California, Yahoo.com was governed by American law. But US courts ruled they had no jurisdiction in France; the French courts could enforce decisions about Yahoo in their territory.
Twitter Until this week, the entire service could be blocked (as happens in China) or tweets and accounts had to be deleted wholesale, across the world. Now the microblogging service Has a system where tweets and accounts can be blocked in particular countries. It will post them on the Chilling Effects website (which records takedown requests). But observers note that it is giving users clues about who and what has been banned – which could make the original discoverable.
Google Is able to ban content by country: in China it would note when a set of search results had been censored (at the government's order). In Germany and France, searches are filtered.
Facebook Can restrict access to content based on who is viewing it: if it's legal in one country but not in another, Facebook can prevent its viewing in the latter.
eBay In 2000 the auction site changed its policy after public pressure so that Nazi goods and memorabilia cannot not be traded.
By
Two brothers to appear at Stockport magistrates court following discovery of body in blaze
Two men have been charged with the murder of a man whose decapitated body was found on fire.
The body of John Grainger, 32, was discovered by firefighters in Stockport, Greater Manchester, at 5.10am on Thursday when they extinguished a blaze on a verge on Wellington Street, opposite Gala Casino.
Anthony Jenkins, 31, and Joseph Jenkins, 29, both of Covent Gardens, Stockport, will appear before Stockport magistrates court on Saturday.
The brothers were arrested on suspicion of possessing shotgun cartridges before the discovery of the body by police. The head was located nearby.
A postmortem examination found that Grainger died from a blunt-force head injury and a shotgun wound to the head.
A police spokesman said it is believed he was decapitated after being shot.
In a tribute to Grainger, his family said: "John was a cheeky and lovable character who was a fantastic brother and uncle to his niece and nephews.
"He wanted to become a dad one day and was looking forward to what the future held.
"John loved football and was an avid fan of Manchester United."
By Owen Gibson
Olympics ceremony titled Isles of Wonder will involve NHS nurses and hundreds of children, says its creator Danny Boyle
"Be not afeared. The isle is full of noises." As a welcome to London for athletes and spectators arriving for the 2012 Olympics, opening ceremony director Danny Boyle has decided Caliban's line from Shakespeare's The Tempest is particularly apposite.
So much so that the Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire director has chosen it as the inspiration for a £27m four-hour spectacular that will feature a tribute to the NHS, Europe's largest bell, a torch lighting sequence and a cast and crew of 12,000 – all shot through with "British humour" and set to the music of Underworld.
Unveiling a handful of details of his vision for the first time with exactly six months to go until the ceremony, Boyle said it would not match the jaw-dropping scale and expense of Beijing in 2008 but would aim to repeat the humanity of Sydney in 2000, which earned the sobriquet "the people's Games".
His chosen title, Isles of Wonder, was inspired by a speech in The Tempest. "It is about the wondrous beauty of Caliban's island and his deep, deep devotion to it," explained Boyle.
Stephen Daldry, the Billy Elliot director who is overseeing the artistic vision for all four ceremonies for the Olympics and Paralympics, said it encapsulated the "heritage, diversity, energy, inventiveness, wit and creativity that defines the British Isles".
He said the theme of The Tempest would run through the opening and closing ceremonies for both the Olympic and Paralympic Games: "It is a journey that will celebrate who we are, who we were and indeed who we wish to be."
Previous opening ceremonies have proved iconic and embarrassing in equal measure, but Daldry said the live sense of "jeopardy" was one of the things that made them exciting.
He said further details of the show, which will be watched by 80,000 ticket holders paying up to £2,012 and including 130 heads of state and an estimated 1 billion global television viewers, would be confirmed in April.
The method of the lighting of the Olympic flame, expected to arrive by water after its 8,000-mile journey around the UK, will be among them.
Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Elton John, Take That and ballerina Darcey Bussell are among those rumoured as potential participants.
The biggest bell ever cast in Europe has been commissioned to hang at one end of the stadium and will be rung at 9pm to signal the point at which the world will tune in to watch the opening ceremony.
Boyle said that the use of a giant bell in his production of Frankenstein at the National Theatre last year had helped persuade him to incorporate it into the ceremony.
After the Games, it will be moved to the Olympic Park – where on Friday the finished Athletes Village was handed over by the Olympic Delivery Authority – where Boyle said he hoped it would "ring for hundreds of years".
Boyle said that for one sequence, all the performers had been recruited from the NHS and local schools. "It is something that we are really proud of. It celebrates something unique about this country," he said.
The four ceremonies will feature a total of 15,000 performers and 25,000 costumes and Daldry equated the task to producing 165 West End musicals at the same time.
Rick Smith and Karl Hyde from dance group Underworld will provide the soundtrack for the opening ceremony. Boyle joked that they would compose marching music at 120bpm in order to speed up the athletes' procession around the stadium. Organisers have promised to avoid the lengthy waits and overruns of previous ceremonies and finish by midnight.
A film of rehearsals involving 15,000 performers across four ceremonies gave a few further clues to how the event will unfold: ballet dancers, painters, huge "zorbing" balls that could roll over the crowd, BMX displays, lasers and cyclists with wings all featured. A total of 900 schoolchildren from the six Olympic boroughs will be involved.
The government recently agreed to provide organisers with an extra £41m from the £9.3bn public sector funding package to double the budget for the Games ceremonies, justifying it by saying it was a "once in a lifetime" opportunity to promote the UK and boost tourism.
Culture secretary Jeremy Hunt said: "We are absolutely clear this is one of the biggest events that will happen in this country in our lifetimes. We do not underestimate the massive responsibility that entails. We see it as a huge opportunity to profile everything we're proud of in the UK."
Boyle said his opening ceremony would use around a third of the overall £81m budget for the four ceremonies, but was still significantly cheaper than Beijing or Athens.
By Martin Chulov
As UN prepares to debate resolution on crisis, at least 100 are thought to have been killed in Homs since Wednesday
The head of the Arab League monitoring mission in Syria has said violence has risen significantly in the country in recent days, as the UN prepares to debate a resolution on the crisis next week.
The flashpoint city of Homs has again been the focal point of clashes, which are thought to have killed at least 100 people since Wednesday. Activists in the besieged city reported a massacre had taken place at the hands of regime forces on Thursday.
European and Arab states are frantically drafting a resolution aimed at ending the violence and seizing power from the president, Bashar al-Assad, whose regime had enjoyed absolute control over Syria until a sustained and increasingly violent challenge to its rule.
However, a key member of the UN security council, Russia, said it would again use its veto to kill any resolution that calls for Assad to stand down. The stance of Moscow, a staunch ally of the Assad regime, appears to end any notion of a short-term solution to the crisis in Syria, where 10 months of violence has killed at least 6,000 people.
The UN said on Friday that 384 children had died since the rebellion began last March. Escalating tensions have since pitted an increasingly armed and organised opposition against a loyalist military.
In his most strident comments since the Arab League monitoring mission began in November, its chief, General Mohammed Ahmed Mustafa al-Dabi, said: "The situation at present, in terms of violence, does not help prepare the atmosphere … to get all sides to sit at the negotiating table."
He identified Hama, Homs and Idlib as key areas of concern. Parts of the capital, Damascus, are also becoming an active conflict zone, although regime forces remain in control of most of the city and death tolls during clashes are not as high.
Western states have remained reluctant to characterise the increasing violence in Syria as a civil war. Neither Britain, France, nor the US has described the violence in Syria, which is increasingly destabilising the country and alarming the region, as anything more than a rebellion, or budding insurgency.
"As the UK, we don't believe it's a civil war at present," said a Foreign Office spokesman. "But the situation is clearly deteriorating steadily, which is why we are pressing for swift action at the UN in support of the Arab League."
US legislators have also described the crisis in Syria in ominous tones, without being prepared to offer a clear descriptor. "It is pretty close to a civil war," said John Kerry, US Senate foreign relations chairman, this week.
There is little debate in academic circles about whether the situation in Syria now meets the defined benchmarks of civil war. "By the coding rules typically used by political scientists and sociologists who study civil war, yes, the conflict in Syria almost surely qualifies," said Jim Fearon, Stanford University political scientist.
"A fairly typical first cut at a definition for civil war would be 'an armed conflict between organised groups fighting over power at the centre or in a region, that has killed at least 1,000 within one year, and at least 100 on both sides.'"
Analysts contacted by the Guardian say the reluctance of governments who are condemning the Syrian regime to accept that the term civil war applies there is driven by three factors: domestic political considerations, a fear that the term would exacerbate the situation, and out of concern to avoid making a moral judgement that could legitimise either side.
"People use the definition in a morally loaded way," said Shashank Joshi, an associate fellow of the Royal United Services Institute in London. "It can propel sides into action. It has connotations about the actors involved. It's much better for [governments] if they can continue to call the other side rebels because you can then characterise the conflict as rebels versus a dictatorship.
"If you call it a civil war, it gives the [Syrian] government licence to treat it as a civil war. And that is a licence you don't want to give them. We need to recognise that there is still a peaceful process taking place alongside the violence. Western governments are still holding out some hope that they can make political gains without violence."
In a potentially significant development, the secretary general of the Gulf Co-operation Council, which this week withdrew its monitors from the Arab League monitoring mission to Syria, will on Monday meet the Nato secretary general, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, at the organisation's headquarters.
By Ian Traynor, Nicholas Watt
Government signals it will not challenge fiscal enforcement role for European commission and European court of justice
The prime minister has abandoned his pledge to block the eurozone from using common EU institutions to police a new regime of fiscal integration and stiff German-style rules for the embattled single currency.
Ahead of Monday's summit of EU leaders, which is due to finalise "political agreement" on the fiscal compact treaty, the government signalled that it would not challenge a role for the European commission and, more sensitively, would also allow resort to the European court of justice (ECJ) in Luxembourg to enforce new debt ceilings and fines for fiscal miscreants in the eurozone.
Last month David Cameron shocked the rest of Europe by vetoing new EU laws on fiscal rigour, forcing the other member states instead to turn the pact into an international treaty between participating governments outside the EU treaties. Cameron also vowed to resist a role for EU institutions on the grounds that they served all 27 member states.
Berlin insists that the Luxembourg court should be empowered to rule on whether the new "debt brakes" are being properly enshrined in national law across the eurozone and applied.
A senior German official said the European commission would act as "referee" in deciding whether eurozone members were breaching the new rules. A commission ruling would be accepted by eurozone governments unless overturned by "reverse majority voting" and any signatory government could then take the perceived sinner to the European court.
Senior diplomatic sources in Brussels made clear on Friday that while Britain still had reservations about these provisions, there would be no attempt to block them and no quick legal challenge.
Cameron is understood to have made it clear to José Manuel Barroso, the president of the European commission, in a telephone call on Wednesday that Britain would no longer object to using the ECJ to enforce the new treaty. "There were a number of issues in the heat of the moment," one EU source said of the prime minister's threat in December to block the use of EU institutions to police the fiscal compact. "But they quickly disappeared."
Cameron's concession marks a significant watering down of his previous position and represents a victory for Nick Clegg, who has been urging the prime minister to recover ground after wielding the veto. The deputy prime minister lobbied hard inside Whitehall for Cameron to drop his objections to the use of EU institutions to enforce the compact.
The prime minister raised concerns about the use of the ECJ as recently as 6 January. He told the Today programme on Radio 4: "You can't have a treaty outside the European Union that starts doing what should be done within the European Union and that goes back to the issue of safeguards.
"There are legal difficulties over this. One of the problems is that the European court of justice, we all think it is a great independent arbiter, but the European court of justice tends to come down on the side of whatever 'more Europe' involves. Let me be very clear that they shouldn't do things outside the European Union that are the property of the European Union."
The abrupt change of heart by Cameron may have been prompted by German anger over the British veto. Wolfgang Schäuble, the German finance minister, highlighted concerns in Berlin about Britain when he blamed Cameron for blocking the EU from embedding the eurozone fiscal compact in the Lisbon treaty.
Asked in Davos on Friday about the failure to agree a revision of the Lisbon treaty, Schäuble said: "I would like to give you the number of David Cameron. Of course, this is not a joke. It would be much better, and better to understand for everyone outside of Europe, if we were to do what we will now have to do in our fiscal compact in the framework of European treaties."
Tory Eurosceptics warned Cameron against diluting his opposition to the use of the ECJ. Bill Cash, the veteran Conservative Eurosceptic who chairs the commons European scrutiny committee, said: "There mustn't be any backsliding. There are serious concerns about the lawfulness of these proposals. The institutions are simply not allowed to use the European commission and the [European] court of justice in an unlawful manner."
By Monica Mark
Exclusive: Spokesman for Islamist group says it will not stop deadly attacks until country is ruled according to dictates of Allah
The Islamist group Boko Haram, which has killed almost 1,000 people in Nigeria, will continue its campaign of violence until the country is ruled by sharia law, a senior member has told the Guardian.
"We will consider negotiation only when we have brought the government to their knees," the spokesman, Abu Qaqa, said in the group's first major interview with a western newspaper. "Once we see that things are being done according to the dictates of Allah, and our members are released [from prison], we will only put aside our arms – but we will not lay them down. You don't put down your arms in Islam, you only put them aside."
Qaqa, whose name is a pseudonym, said the group's members were spiritual followers of al-Qaida, and claimed they had met senior figures in the network founded by Osama bin Laden during visits to Saudia Arabia.
The interview comes a week after Boko Haram claimed responsibility for Nigeria's single deadliest terrorist attack, which killed 186 people in the northern city of Kano.
In an audio message posted on YouTube on Friday, the group's current leader, Abubakar Shekau, threatened to bomb schools and kidnap family members of government officials.
"If [security forces] are going to places of worship and destroying them, like mosques and Quranic schools, you have primary schools as well, you have secondary schools and universities, and we will start bombing them."
Shekau rejected calls for a negotiated peace from President Goodluck Jonathan, who on Thursday called for the shadowy sect to step out of the shadows and engage in dialogue.
Nigerian officials have voiced hopes for a negotiated settlement with "moderate elements" of the group. "Under the circumstances, if you look hard enough, you can find moderate elements you can communicate with," General Andrew Azazi, the national security adviser to the president, told the Wall Street Journal on Friday.
Western diplomats say Boko Haram has splintered and the hardliners leading the factions responsible for the wave of violence that has killed some 250 people this year appear to have rejected any suggestion of dialogue.
The Guardian was able to contact Abu Qaqa through an intermediary from the group's home state. The go-between has been in contact with the group since its inception, and met with its founder, Mohammed Yusuf, several times before he was killed in 2009. For most of the interview he used a voice modulator, but local journalists confirmed that his undisguised voice matched recordings of previous interviews.
Qaqa said Shekau and others had travelled to Saudi Arabia for training and funding. "Al-Qaida are our elder brothers. During the lesser Hajj [last August], our leader travelled to Saudi Arabia and met al-Qaida there. We enjoy financial and technical support from them. Anything we want from them we ask them."
He said recruits from neighbouring Chad, Cameroon and Niger had joined the group. A recent UN report said weapons from Libya may have been smuggled to Boko Haram and al-Qaida in the Islamic Maghreb via Chad, Niger and Nigeria.
Security officials and diplomats in Abuja said they had no evidence of a link with al-Qaida in Saudi Arabia, but an official confirmed that "elements of Boko Haram have made contact with external groups". The extent and frequency of that contact was unknown, the official said.
In the decade since it first appeared, Boko Haram has graduated from crude driveby attacks on beer parlours to bombing security buildings in the northern Muslim heartland. Its most audacious attack targeted the United Nations building in the capital, Abuja, killing 25 in August. In recent weeks, Christians institutions have increasingly come under fire. A Christmas Day bomb attack on a packed church just outside the capital claimed almost 40 lives.
But Qaqa said the rights of the country's 70 million Christians, who represent half of Nigeria's population, "would be protected" under the group's envisioned Islamic state. "Even the prophet Mohammed lived with non-Muslims and he gave them their dues." But he said everyone must abide by sharia law: "There are no exceptions. Even if you are a Muslim and you don't abide by sharia, we will kill you. Even if you are my own father, we will kill you."
Speaking fluent but non-native Hausa, the lingua franca across the Sahelian belt on the cusp of the Sahara desert, he said: "It's the secular state that is responsible for the woes we are seeing today. People should understand that we are not saying we have to rule Nigeria, but we have been motivated by the stark injustice in the land. People underrate us but we have our sights set on [bringing sharia to] the whole world, not just Nigeria."
Sharia law is already in place across 12 states in the Muslim-majority north. Few believe the group's radical ideology has traction in Nigeria's mainly Christian south, which is also home to millions of Muslims and has so far been out of the group's reach.
Raising his voice for the only time during the interview, Qaqa denied reports that some governors in northern Nigeria paid the group monthly allowances in exchange for immunity from attacks. "May God punish anyone that said so," he said, before adding that the group has popular support in the north.
"Poor people are tired of the injustice, people are crying for saviours and they know the messiahs are Boko Haram.
"People were singing songs in [northern cities] Kano and Kaduna saying: 'We want Boko Haram'," Qaqa said, describing how the group can blend into the communities in which it operates. "If the masses don't like us they would have exposed us by now. When Islam comes everyone would be happy," he said.
Diplomats say Nigeria's security services are belatedly attempting to gain control of the situation, which was previously dismissed as an internal, northern squabble often fuelled by politicians with personal grievances.
"There is an ongoing review of all security agencies," the presidential aide Ken Wiwa said. "This is a relatively new phenomenon in Nigeria and the administration is working hard to improve its capacity to respond. There are various other initiatives which will be implemented but this is as much a political as a security issue."
An official said Nigeria's central bank was involved in measures aimed at strangling the group's external funding sources, including speeding up a cashless economy.
By Helen Carter
Leading writers condemned home secretary's decision to deport playwright Lydia Besong and her husband
A couple facing imminent deportation to Cameroon have been unexpectedly released from detention this week after a campaign by leading writers to halt their removal from the UK.
A week ago, leading writers and barristers wrote to the home secretary, Theresa May, to condemn the UK Border Agency's decision to deport Lydia Besong, a playwright, and her husband, Bernard Batey.
The former children's laureate, Michael Morpurgo, Monica Ali, Hanif Kureshi, Alan Ayckbourn, Nick Hornby and Helena Kennedy signed the letter urging May not to deport them. Kennedy, a leading QC, described the agency's decision to deport the couple as "hideous" and "insensitive", and called for an overhaul of the way women are treated in the asylum system.
Besong says she was raped in Cameroon and would be persecuted for speaking out against the government. She was not informed that her husband's latest appeal against deportation had failed on 23 December. On 10 January, the couple were taken into detention as they registered with immigration services in Manchester as normal.
Besong said she spotted a van outside the office and thought to herself: "I hope that's not come for me." She said she feared something would happen as she had had a prophetic dream the night before.
Severely traumatised by her ordeal, Besong's leg trembles as she talks and she is suffering from glaucoma, which has required three operations.
"We had no idea we were about to be released," she said of Wednesday's events. "[I had] an eye appointment at Bedford hospital and I was taken accompanied by security guards. Everyone was looking at me wondering what I'd done, but I was not a prisoner.
"When I returned from the appointment and was told I was being released I just said: 'Hmm.' I didn't feel a lot of emotion after everything I'd been through. Although I was being released, there were still people in Yarl's Wood such as my roommate who'd been there for 10 months."
"Many bad things will happen [if I am returned to Cameroon]," she added. "OK, the media is watching now, but what about when they go away? I would be locked up because of my political views."
The couple's lawyer said the secretary of state's handling of the case "continues to baffle". Gary McIndoe said: "Having confirmed that they are to reconsider their decision on Bernard's asylum claim, UKBA have authorised Bernard and Lydia's release from detention, only 24 hours after communicating to us a refusal to release them."
He said he hoped the substance of risks faced by the couple in Cameroon would now be looked at with greater care and clarity.
During Christmas 2009, Besong was held for four weeks in Yarl's Wood detention centre and she and her husband were threatened with removal to Cameroon. Their flight back was halted by a high court judge and the UKBA said their case would be reviewed.
They were forced to leave their home country in 2006 as a result of their membership of the SCNC, a peaceful organisation which campaigns for the rights of the English-speaking minority of southern Cameroon. The couple were imprisoned and tortured, and Lydia says she was raped by a uniformed prison guard. They say they have both been traumatised by these experiences and have become depressed.
Since arriving in the UK, Besong has written three plays about her life as an asylum seeker and criticised the political situation in her home country.
Besong's latest play, Down with the Dictator, is currently in rehearsal and due to be performed in Greater Manchester and Bristol in March.
Michael Morpurgo said: "How this country treats asylum seekers is the measure of what kind of a people we are. Lydia was oppressed in Cameroon. That there is a risk she will be imprisoned and abused again seems undeniable. That she is extraordinarily brave in her stand against oppression is clear. And that her talents would be of great value to us as a citizen in our society would seem to be obvious."
The couple arrived at a friend's flat in Tottington, near Bury, at 1am on Thursday. Lydia and her husband were waiting for the UKBA to return their house keys so they could go home.
Besong said she feels blessed to have been released, but her second period of detention in Yarl's Wood has left psychological scars.
"There are roll calls at 7.30am, 12, 5 and 9.45pm," she said. "The guards are always checking up on you and you can hear their keys jangling. It is difficult to get any rest at all. When you come out of that place it is sometimes difficult to forget that you are not there because it comes with you as you are living with the memories."
By
Costa Cruises has offered compensation to passengers from the Italian disaster as its US parent company faces legal action
Costa Cruises has offered to pay 11,000 euros ($14,500) in compensation to each of the more than 3,000 passengers aboard the ship that capsized near the island of Giglio two weeks ago, Italian consumer groups said on Friday.
The offer, negotiated by the consumer groups, is an attempt by Costa Cruises to limit the legal fallout of the accident.
Each passenger would also receive a refund on the cruise and costs of their return home. The offer applies to all passengers, whether a child or an adult, who suffered no physical injuries. Injured passengers will be dealt with individually.
Those accepting the offer would have to agree to drop all future litigation and receive payment within seven days.
Costa Cruises' US parent company Carnival Plc is already facing legal action for compensation.
Codacons, a consumer group which did not participate in the negotiation, is collecting names for a class action suit to be filed in Miami requesting 125,000 euros for each passenger.
Carlo Rienzi, president of Codacons, said the offer was insufficient and urged passengers to see a doctor to check whether they had suffered psychological trauma.
Meanwhile, John Arthur Eaves, a US personal injury lawyer, is urging passengers to file individual lawsuits in the United States. Eaves represented families of some of those killed when a US military jet struck and severed cables holding skiers in a cable car in northern Italy in 1998, killing 20.
"The class action is not the right tool for this case," Eaves told Reuters Television. "In this case people need to be treated like individuals. Everyone in this boat had different damages."
But Roberto Corbella, head of Italy's association of tour operators, and who helped Costa negotiate the offer with the consumer protection groups, urged passengers to accept it.
"Lawsuits have uncertain outcomes, they take a long time, there are legal costs, and some studies indicate that it's not at all certain that passengers would get more than the company is offering," he told Reuters Television.
Crew member Gary Lobaton has already filed a lawsuit against Carnival in a US district court. His lawyers said in his court filing that he was not aware of the "dangerous conditions" of the cruise ship until it was too late to abandon it safely.
On Thursday, Italy's top-ranking Coast Guard official, Marco Brusco, said Concordia Captain Francesco Schettino lost "a precious hour", which made evacuating the ship more difficult.
Had the order been given earlier, "the lifeboats could have been launched calmly, people could have been reassured", Brusco said in Senate testimony.
Passengers have complained the evacuation was chaotic, with some left waiting in lifeboats for two hours before being able to leave the ship. Several bodies were found by divers in submerged evacuation assembly points, wearing life vests.
Sixteen bodies have so far been recovered and 16 are still missing after the 290-metre long cruise liner struck a rock near the Tuscan island.
As divers continued to comb the submerged parts of the ship, Dutch salvage team SMIT finalized preparations to remove fuel from the ship's tanks.
"We could finish today the process of inserting valves on six tanks," said a spokesman for the civil protection agency, which is in charge of operations regarding the Concordia. That would open the way for fuel removal to begin on Saturday.
By Juliette Jowit
Prime minister's lack of leadership on green issues among concerns raised by head of charity that helped rebrand party
The head of the charity that helped to arrange David Cameron's memorable husky photoshoot in the Arctic, launching the Conservatives' rebranding as the nice-not-nasty party, has warned that the PM's lack of leadership on environment issues risks "retoxifying" their image.
The striking images of Cameron posing on the ice with huskies on the way to visiting a melting glacier in 2006 marked a turning point for the Conservatives, who had been seen by many voters as uncaring. After the pictures appeared across newspapers and TV back home, Cameron's image-maker and policy guru, Steve Hilton, is said to have received a text from an ally back home: "Simply brilliant – that was worth a thousand speeches."
Reflecting on the 2006 trip, David Nussbaum, the chief executive of WWF UK, said: "What we were most encouraged about was it was part of his detoxification of the Conservative brand. This was a symbolic indication that the Conservative party had changed, [it] wasn't any longer the 'nasty party'."
Almost six years later, however, and with Cameron having been prime minister for nearly two years, Nussbaum's first full verdict on how the Conservative leader has lived up to that trip's promise is mixed, at best.
While on many policies there has been welcome progress, Nussbaum believes there have been too many caveats – some of them large – that have undermined those policies, and too much inconsistency in decisions and speeches from senior Tories.
"Clearly at the moment the polls are pretty positive, but we know polls can move dramatically and quickly," said Nussbaum, whose predecessor as head of WWF UK, Robert Napier, accompanied Cameron, Hilton and the now climate minister Greg Barker to the Norwegian archipelago of Svalbard. He said: "The long-term future of the Conservative party David Cameron is trying to lead is the party which continues to embrace people for whom environmental sustainability, care for the natural world, thinking about what we are leaving our future generations, those are deeply held values.
"The risk of retoxification would be very serious … to the range of people who are potential supporters of a Conservative government."
The day before he flew to Svalbard, Cameron was campaigning for local elections, urging voters to "go green, vote blue". On the return journey from visiting scientists and seeing fast-melting glaciers, he gave a speech to Norwegian conservatives promising to "lead a new green revolution". He added: "This [climate change] is not a natural phenomenon. It has been caused by the way we live."
The two-day schedule was organised by WWF (formerly the World Wildlife Fund) after Cameron's aides said he wanted first-hand experience of the problem of climate change caused by global warming.
"[Cameron] wanted this to be based on substance, not just a nice picture of huskies: he was interested and engaged with the scientists," said Nussbaum, who joined WWF a year later in 2007. "This trip helped reinforce his own conviction that this was the right thing to do, on the basis of the science and the evidence."
Four years later, one of Cameron's first acts as PM was to walk down Whitehall to the Department of Energy and Climate Change and declare that he would lead "the greenest government ever" – a pledge also made, but little noted, in the Conservative manifesto.
"What that illustrates is you can write something in a document, but when it comes out of the mouth of the prime minister it makes a difference," said Nussbaum.
The "greenest government ever" pledge has been increasingly thrown back at the Conservative-Lib Dem coalition as disappointment has mounted in the environment movement.
Government supporters point out a number of initiatives in less than two years, despite the economic crisis, including £3bn for the Green Investment Bank, a carbon price floor to boost clean industries, tough new carbon emissions targets, the Green Deal to make homes more energy efficient, and the first natural environment white paper for over 20 years. There are reports, too, that Cameron could do a big environment speech in April.
However the intervention of Nussbaum, a divinity graduate and former accountant whose charity is often controversial in the sector because of its policy of working closely with politicians and businesses, will be taken seriously because of his usual caution. Nussbaum welcomed progress in several areas, including the investment bank, greener homes, carbon targets, and soon-to-be-announced energy market reforms. He also gave the prime minister personal credit for intervening to make sure the bank and the carbon budgets were agreed, despite claims of cabinet divisions.
However, he is concerned the bank will not have borrowing powers until 2015, it is not clear if there is enough money to pay for the Green Deal, and there will be a review of the carbon budgets. Green groups have been angered, too, by proposals for a Thames airport.
The other big problem is with the government's rhetoric on green issues. "Most alarming," said Nussbaum, had been two speeches by George Osborne in which the chancellor suggested that environmental policies might hold back economic development, saying: "We are not going to save the planet by … exporting valuable jobs."
Crucially, inconsistency was undermining the confidence of investors needed to spend billions on new power stations, more energy efficient homes, and better transport, said Nussbaum.
"We understand that coming into government in the economic context, those other concerns have had a bigger place in the government's policies than was anticipated," said Nussbaum. "What we're disappointed about is government hasn't held on to articulating clearly the links and opportunities of care for the environment and economic success and development."
A Downing Street spokesman said: "The government is fully committed to this being the greenest government ever. We are driving the shift to a low-carbon economy, and have an ambitious and well-funded programme of policies to protect and enhance our natural environment, which can be seen in the action the government has taken since May 2010. As we work to get the economy back on track, we will continue to ensure that green growth is the cornerstone of the recovery."
By Mike Cardwell
By Mike Cardwell
By Mike Cardwell
By Mike Cardwell
By Mike Cardwell
By Garry
Quite a few people have queried me about purple/blue lines appearing when viewing HD. It turns out to be a bug which can be worked around quite easily by changing your Video Playback Profile. See the following discussion for details: http://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?p=11360074 Hope that helps someone! GarryBy James Bennett
Abraham Lincoln, remarks for the dedication of the cemetery at Gettysburg battlefield, November 19, 1863:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great ...
By Mike Cardwell
It would be nice to see a well-written critique or discussion of the downside of Wired Magazine. Many people believe it is shallow and inaccurate. It embraces capitalism in some ways, but also brings in some fairly worthless postmodern rubish, like articles by R.U. Sirius, etc. And the cover story and trumped-up award for Negroponte some years ago was painfully embarassing. Must be nice to be an egomaniac and own your own magazine too.
I agree. Wired is not without more than its share of critics and there are many legitimate criticisms that can be aimed at the magazine and its philosophy. At times, it seems like nothing more than techno-free market libertarian and socially right leaning moderate propaganda. Much of the articles on various companies like Microsoft, Google, Apple, etc. read more like fanboyish hero worship than real journalism. the Negroponte story you mentioned was really alarming, as they took a man involved in Iran-Contra, a terrible scandal and abuse of power and the trust of both the American people and the world, and portrayed him as some harmless techno geek, like everyone else who reads Wired, as if he had NO shady past whatsoever. They seemed to give a fawning embrace to the nonsense of Intelligent Design in 2004. They also embrace practically every mindless techno-fad that comes along, hoping for the next big thing. Practically all their articles have an economically libertarian slant to them, and it seems that to Wired, the only meaningul measure of science and technology is how much money those things can make, and the only real good of social progress is the potential for opening up new market demographics. Much of their reporting on pop culture is shallow and betrays that they have little to no understanding of any form of art or entertainment that they report on, and it often comes off as if their research on the video games, films, books, etc. they review consists of doing a single internet search and reading a press relese and then trying to pretend they played the game before giving it an arbitrary and seemingly random rating. The magazine, at times, also has a bizzare fixation with Star Wars. In fact, for the papst several years, it seems that EVERY single issue has to work in SOMETHING related to Star Wars. Either they think this is the be all and end all to geek life and sci fi, or the Wired staff is on the payroll of George Lucas. Many justifiably see the magazine as embodying a wide-eyed techno utopianism, that is largely disconnected from reality. Its like all those absurd books from 20 or 30 or 50 years ago about what the year 2000 was going to be like, and how off the mark they were, only its in magazine form every month and only sets its sights ahead a few years. I mean, really, for all the things wired has championed as world changing next wave of the future business booms, how many of their predictions have actually come true? Also, this is FAR from an objective criticism, but their "wired-tired-expired" thing has to be the most obnoxious feature EVER.
By Mike Cardwell
By Mike Cardwell
By Mike Cardwell
By Jon Honeyball
The news that Steve Jobs has resigned the position of CEO and that Tim Cook, the long term COO, is taking over the position, should come as no surprise to anyone following both Apple and Jobs. Steve Jobs has been battling cancer for many years. That he remained in the position of CEO for so [...]Tim pointed out that it's worth travelling simply for the new timezone in your debian/changelog entries.
We can use AptFs to work out who has collected the most so far:
import os import glob import itertools import collections from dateutil.parser import parse from debian.changelog import Changelog data = collections.defaultdict(set) for package in glob.glob('/apt/*'): if os.path.islink(package): continue # Consider source packages only try: changelog = Changelog(open('%s/debian/changelog' % package)) except: continue # Ignore invalid changelogs for entry in changelog: try: data[entry.author].add(parse(entry.date).strftime('%z')) except ValueError: pass # Ignore invalid dates fn = lambda x: len(x[1]) top = sorted(data.items(), key=fn, reverse=True) for k, g in itertools.groupby(top, key=fn): print "\n%d timezone(s):" % k for author, timezones in sorted(g): print " * %s (%s)" % ( author.encode('utf8', 'ignore'), ', '.join(sorted(timezones, reverse=True)), )
14 timezone(s): * Bdale Garbee <bdale@gag.com> (-0800, -0700, -0600, -0500, -0400, -0300, +1300, +1100, +1030, +0900, +0300, +0200, +0100, +0000) 12 timezone(s): * Joey Hess <joeyh@debian.org> (-1000, -0900, -0800, -0700, -0500, -0400, -0300, -0200, +0300, +0200, +0100, +0000) 11 timezone(s): * Paul Wise <pabs@debian.org> (-0400, -0300, +1300, +1100, +1000, +0930, +0900, +0800, +0200, +0100, +0000) 9 timezone(s): * Barak A. Pearlmutter <bap@debian.org> (-0700, -0600, -0500, -0400, +0500, +0300, +0200, +0100, +0000) * Martin Michlmayr <tbm@cyrius.com> (-1000, -0700, -0300, +1100, +1000, +0300, +0200, +0100, +0000) * Martin Pitt <mpitt@debian.org> (-0800, -0700, -0600, -0500, -0400, +0300, +0200, +0100, +0000) * Sam Hocevar (Debian packages) <sam+deb@zoy.org> (-0700, -0500, -0400, -0300, +0930, +0300, +0200, +0100, +0000)
However, something tells me we aren't going to see widespread gamification of Debian development.
By Mike Cardwell
By noreply@blogger.com (RevK)
Well, a busy two days running FireBrick courses, and I have to say that Jon gave me a run for my money.By noreply@blogger.com (RevK)
Our favourite telco offer a service that is a 7 hour fix for broadband. It costs extra money, as you would expect. We have not yet used that service.By Jackart (noreply@blogger.com)
In battle, a successful commander will draw the enemy onto ground of his choosing. At this, Tony Blair was a master. By drawing the Tories to fight on ground, like Europe or the NHS, where they were weak, they were made to seem out of touch. The result was three election victories. Indeed New Labour's vilest policy, the plan to lock innocent people in gaol for 42 days before telling them what they were supposed to have done, was merely an attempt to discomfit the Tories. Propose a policy so vile that the Tories would have to oppose it, and then say they're "weak on terrorism". Of course that was a policy so vile even the lobby-fodder of the Labour party couldn't wear it and the Labour government went down to it's first defeat.By Jackart (noreply@blogger.com)
The Language of the Protestant community in Northern Ireland is called Ullans or Ulster
Scots. The plantation of Ulster, in what many view as the First British Empire, started under Britain's first King, James I, who was, before he ascended the English throne, known as James VI of Scotland. Earlier English plantations had been concentrated around Dublin, but he sent Scots to form "plantations" in northern Ireland, whose troubles since have been about ownership of Land. To this day, most towns in the province are overwhelmingly protestant, with the Catholics being more rural. What happened is perhaps not dissimilar to the Israeli settlements of the West Bank, something the Israeli government might like to ponder.By Norman Tebbit
It is good news that the Prime Minister is now beginning to understand that the judicial adventurists and imperialists of the Strasbourg Court of Human Rights are interfering in matters which should be the concern of the British people and no one else. It is, however, no use going cap in hand hoping that in [...]By noreply@blogger.com (RevK)
Has anyone else looked at today's Dilbert and wondered if he is talking to his favourite telco?By noreply@blogger.com (RevK)
Finally - end of the week - get a Chinese and relax in front of TV maybe...By Jackart (noreply@blogger.com)
"...There's no need to go to the Natural History Museum to see a dinosaur, just come to the House of Commons at half-past-twelve..."Skinner, who's himself been banned for his parliamentary insults to "the Boy George" Osborne's alleged use of Coke & Brasses (remarks he defended by saying "they were in the 'News of the World' [owned by one R. Murdoch's News Corp], you can look it up") merely shrugged. I may disagree deeply with Mr Skinner's politics, but he's a parliamentary bruiser, who can take the rough and tumble.
By Nick Pickles
On January 18 2011, Wikipedia will voluntarily shut its website down for twelve hours, in protest at two pieces of legislation being considered in the US – SOPA and PIPA. Big Brother Watch will be doing the same. Yes, it may appear a futile gesture. But we believe this is too important an issue to carry on as normal. Like many UK websites, several of our online services are run via the United States. As a result, our website falls … →By Nick Pickles
Last year Big Brother Watch highlighted the troubling scale of the misuse of police databases by both officers and civilian staff. Our report was the first national research undertaken to expose the extent of these very serious invasions of privacy. But are some of the officers involved escaping justice? In recent days, the Daily Mail reported how in Essex a number of officers resigned pending disciplinary proceedings, while in Merseyside the Liverpool Echo reports on an officer who has been … →By Jackart (noreply@blogger.com)
Youth unemployment started to rise under Labour, partially but not entirely as a result of minimum wage legislation. Also to blame are poor standards in schools, and a raft of tax employment legislation which cumulatively raised the cost of employing a young person without experience above that of the benefit to the employer of him doing so. Of course some young people are worth the risk, being hard-working, conscientious and eager to learn. The problem that employers face is getting rid of those who aren't is too expensive and as a result fewer young people are hired.By Norman Tebbit
Last week I saw the film The Iron Lady. I regret to say it confirmed all my worst fears from having seen the trailer some time ago. This is primarily a film about an old lady suffering from dementia. The actress, Ms Streep, is well made up to resemble Margaret Thatcher in both old age and her [...]By noreply@blogger.com (RevK)
Well, it is, in that if you are not superstitious then the crap that happens is just crap that happens and not bad luck as such...By noreply@blogger.com (RevK)
Well, it is impressive what you can do on a short bit of copper :-)![]() |
| Actual speed test on 58M sync line |
By Nick Pickles
Last week we raised the issue of Foot Path, technology used in shopping centres to monitor the movement of people’s mobile phones. No personal information is being collected, but there are clear privacy issues with your movements being recorded without any kind of direct permission or opt-out. In a similar way to Foot Path, the satalite navigation provider Tom Tom say they “anonymise, aggregate and redistribute [location data], to make everyone’s journeys faster and more predictable.” However, the Dutch Data … →By johnredwood
The media is contrasting the US growth rate which hit 2.8% per annum in the last quarter of 2011 favourably with the stalling economies of Europe. What they are not doing, however, is picking up on the different composition of growth. In the UK the public sector made a positive contribution to [...]By Neo-Guido
Guido won’t bother with the fashion round up this time, but devout nicotine addict Laurie Penny popped up on our television again this lunchtime, complete with a fake cigarette. Jackie Ashley had dropped out at the last minute from appearing on the Daily Politics, so our favourite flame-haired firebrand was called up to fill in. In [...]By DB (noreply@blogger.com)
Here's Conservative MP Graham Stuart responding to a cheap shot from Nicky Campbell on Radio Five Live's Breakfast show this morning.Nicky Campbell: For the first time MPs on the Education Select Committee want you to provide the questions when they go head-to head with Michael Gove next Tuesday. They're asking for suggestions via Twitter. LOL. And it's going to be with the hashtag "AskGove". The Conservative MP Graham Stuart is the chair of the Education Committee. Good morning.
Graham Stuart: Good morning, Nicky.
Nicky Campbell: Tell us a little bit more about this, getting other people to do your hard work for you. Great idea - you can go and have lunch in your subsidised canteen. [Smug chortle]
Graham Stuart: Thanks for that low remark. You of course struggle by on a fraction of what MPs are paid Nicky so it's nice to have someone like you standing up for low earners…
Nicky Campbell: Absolutely, well said!
Graham Stuart: … and the unsubsidised while working for the BBC, but never mind - we won't worry about your hypocrisy.
By Neo-Guido
Poor Jeremy Hunt is getting frightfully carried away with his £12 billion Olympic baby: “come and enjoy what will be the most exciting time in British history.” Guido is looking forward to catching up with all the “excitement” after a month at the Maison Secondaire. Tagged: Spin, ToriesBy Neo-Guido
A confused co-conspirator whispers to Guido that the Guardian have been working on the story they ran this morning about Michael Gove giving public funds to a group they don’t like for at least two weeks. The latest installment of their campaign against the education secretary claims that he personally made the decision to give taxpayers’ money to the Community Security [...]By Neo-Guido
See: Polish Politicians Don Guy Fawkes Masks Tagged: Caption ContestBy Neo-Guido
With the Tories leaving the European Peoples Party, MEPs have been keen to make sure they keep some influence in other movements, such as the The International Democrat Union – the formal gathering of centre-right parties across the globe. But clearly the young Conservatives here didn’t get that memo… The IDU’s youth-wing (IYDU) has always [...]By David Vance (noreply@blogger.com)
With BBC news coverage of the US Presidential race hotting up, it is quite useful to consider what B-BBC's Alan has to say here;By David Vance (noreply@blogger.com)
Yes, well, the minute GOP Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich suggested that there could be a manned lunar base which would be American, then this was going to go disputed by the BBC. I laughed at the blatant way in which the BBC sets up Gingrich in this item Of course when John F Kennedy made pretty much the same sort of speech in 1962, that is hailed by the likes of the BBC as "visionary" whereas when Gingrich makes it then it "delusionary". But no bias, no sirreee!By Neo-Guido
Q: How do you know when Denis MacShane is lying? A: When he’s tweeting. Yesterday Guido brought you the disgraced, de-whipped Labour MP’s fibs about the Olympics and the pound. Now this morning a psephological co-conspirator gets in touch to point out another howler: Polls said support for EU was plummeting in Croatia but 67% vote to join. [...]By David Vance (noreply@blogger.com)
The BBC narrative is clear. Bankers were solely responsible for the global financial crisis. Go a little deeper and the narrative refines itself even more alarmingly; Capitalism was solely responsible for the global financial crisis. If only the State could control things. Next, seize on every opportunity to nail this in the public psyche. Take this current onslaught against RBS Chairman Stephen Hester. His crime has been to abide by his contract - a contract put in place under the gaze of a Labour Government. Now, the BBC allows Labour spokesman Chuka Umunna to rage against the sheer iniquity of what HIS party facilitated in the first place! Mike Cunningham, one of my fellow writers over on A Tangled Web, tackles the issue here.By David Vance (noreply@blogger.com)
By David Vance (noreply@blogger.com)
"The BBC should not have screened this programme because it did not inform, entertain or meet any of the other accepted objectives for public broadcast television. Rather, it mislead the viewer into believing that bull breeds and owners of bull breeds were in some sense inferior to the rest of society. Some of the cases they showed had welfare implications and were not your “average” bull breed owner. They chose not to depict any of the ordinary or more affluent Midlanders who take pride in their Staffordshire Bull Terriers and its numerous cross-bred combinations. Significantly, no dangerous dogs (i.e. Section 3) featured in this BBC film, and this was a massively biased defence of the ill-conceived Section 1 breed specific legislation."
By David Vance (noreply@blogger.com)
Biased BBC contributor Alan notes;
'Archbishop blasts clerics who oppose welfare reform and declares the REAL moral scandal is our £1TRILLION debt'Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091331/Welfare-reform-Ex-Archbishop-Canterbury-Lord-Carey-blasts-clerics-oppose-benefits-cap.html#ixzz1kUBHGMsK
By johnredwood
Mr John Redwood (Wokingham) (Con): I rise to support the Prime Minister. I think he had no alternative but to say no to a very unsatisfactory deal and to a totally inappropriate proposed measure at that Council. Nor do I think he has lost Britain influence by doing it; I think he has won Britain [...]By Charlie Brooker
'When you tell people you're going swimming with tuna, they laugh in your face'
Swimming with dolphins. Everyone yaps on about wanting to do that before they die. But swimming with tuna? For some reason, when you tell people you're going swimming with tuna, they laugh in your face. It sounds inherently absurd, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it's because we often encounter tuna in tins. Also – and I know this is a stupid thing to think, but it's hard not to think it – there's that smell. You expect tuna to smell like, well, to smell like tuna, even though they're still alive, still in one piece and, most importantly, they're underwater where you can't smell anything.
My lack of knowledge was, in retrospect, stunning. I figured the tuna was a fairly docile fish, probably about the size of a shoe. I was to be disabused of this and several other notions during my visit to Australia. But it wasn't "regular" Australia I was heading for. Most overseas tourists visit Sydney or the Gold Coast. I was bound for South Australia, an area that's often overlooked. Would this be the equivalent of visiting Britain and staying only in Croydon?
Adelaide quickly struck me as a superb place to live. It's clean, it's pretty and despite being the largest city in South Australia, it's easy to walk around. We stayed in a variety of eccentric and inviting heritage homes run by the equally eccentric and inviting Rodney and Regina Twiss. Staying in a house in a residential area would be frustrating in many cities; given the compact nature of the city, it's a great idea in Adelaide. After 24 hours, you feel like a local, even though you absolutely aren't.
Adelaide makes an ideal base for touring the region. For sun worshippers, there are beaches a short tram ride away; for alcoholics, the Barossa Valley lies just to the north-east; and for people who want to swim with tuna – or sharks – a short plane journey will take you to Port Lincoln. Australians seem to catch small planes like we catch buses. It takes less time to fly from Adelaide to Port Lincoln than to take the 159 bus from Streatham Hill to Oxford Circus. Unlike the 159, they serve snacks on the plane and nobody tries to stab you.
There's not much to see in Port Lincoln itself: its appeal lies in the water, in the scenery of Boston Bay and the fishing and diving opportunities there. Our tuna-swimming expedition was going to be part of a two-day "ocean safari" with Adventure Bay Charters, run by the affable Matt Waller. Once on board, we sailed to Matt's tuna farm (he's a fisherman, see) which essentially consists of a huge floating bowl made of netting – picture a giant sieve wafting in the ocean and you're not far off. At this point we had to don wetsuits. There may be photographs of me in a wetsuit accompanying this article. I urge you not to look at them. They will be images of overpowering sexuality.
Anyway, fact file: contrary to earlier statements, a tuna is not about the size of a shoe. It's massive. Bloody massive. It has cold, unknowable eyes and is covered in sharp scales. And it swims very quickly indeed, especially when you hold out a smaller, dead fish for it to eat. It leaps and snatches the damned thing out of your hand so fast, you can't even see it: it's like being mugged. Mugged by a fish. And the giant underwater tuna bowl teems with them. In summary: although "swimming with tuna" sounds inherently comic in theory, in practice it's bizarre, exhilarating and faintly scary.
From the tuna farm, we made our way to a nearby island, where we jumped off the boat to swim with sea lions. Sea lions are so outrageously cute, even I had to concede they were charming, and I usually vomit at the sight of rainbows. They were friendly, too, and swam alongside us, diving, rolling and generally behaving like something from a Disney film: almost like Care Bears of the sea, except, unlike Care Bears, you don't want to kill them with hammers.
Then it was on to a prime spot for great white sharks. The viewing cage went in the water, and I went in after it. I'll admit to being nervous at this point: having been shocked by the size of tuna, I was trying mentally to prepare myself for a moment of life-altering terror. Most tours toss buckets of bait into the water, whereas Matt has a more eco-friendly method of attracting sharks. He lowers speakers into the water and pumps out rock music. He claims great whites are particularly attracted to AC/DC.
Floating in a cage underwater, keeping watch for sharks like Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws, while simultaneously listening to loud, driving rock, is a uniquely surreal experience. It could have been bettered only by the appearance of an actual shark. Sadly, on the day, none was forthcoming. This didn't seem to be down to the music, incidentally: neighbouring boats, hurling berley into the water by the bucketload, were having no luck either. Sharks aren't predictable. If they were, no one would ever get eaten by them.
It's a measure of how much fun the rest of the ocean safari was that the nonappearance of the most fearsome creature on the planet wasn't much of a downer. The following day we visited another island to peer at a larger sea lion colony, caught fish, stuffed our faces and ate fresh oysters (once I managed to overcome my inherent fear of eating anything with a 1% chance of making me puke). Then it was back to Port Lincoln, the airport and Adelaide.
The next day, we caught another shuttle flight, this time to Kangaroo Island. Kangaroo Island sounds like a sarcastic nickname for Australia itself: fitting, in a sense, because it's almost like a compressed version of how Australia looks in your head as a child. It's known as Australia's Galapagos because of its abundance of wildlife. There are creatures everywhere. Kangaroos hop along the roadside, koalas laze in trees, echidnas shuffle through the undergrowth: it's like a huge safari park with no fencing.
We stayed at the Southern Ocean Lodge, a place so confidently swish and friendly, I instantly felt like a burglar. It's easily the most upmarket place I've ever stayed: I was almost ashamed to go to the toilet. The architecture is straight out of Grand Designs: all floor-to-ceiling windows and understated modernity, not to mention stunning views across the ocean – the lodge is perched atop a cliff, overlooking a beach, situated in between two national parks. If it housed a death ray (which I'm fairly sure it doesn't), this would be precisely the sort of place a taste-conscious Bond villain might construct.
Not that you're there to laze around indoors. A tour of Kangaroo Island is essential, particularly if your time is tight, as ours was. We were shown round the island by Rob Ellson, a former local newspaper editor turned tour guide. The nature here truly is bizarre and fascinating: not only the kangaroos, which, if you're quiet, you can sneak hilariously close to, but the plant life, and I say that as someone who yawns himself half to death at the mere mention of a stamen. Kangaroo Island has a species of tree that thrives following a fire: the Xanthorrhoea (or "Grass Tree", for those who prefer words you can actually pronounce) flowers and sheds seeds when burnt. It even flowers when exposed to smoke. Just as well: in 2007, a series of bushfires destroyed 95,000 hectares of woodland. Today, the casual visitor would be hard-pressed to tell where the flames had been.
It's hard to describe how relaxing a place Kangaroo Island is. There are so few people, so few cables and billboards and cars and buildings and things, that your mind soon starts to stretch out and lie down. It was almost like being deprogrammed. Accommodation isn't cheap, and it's easy to see why. Leaving the place was a wrench, like knowing you have to get out of bed on a cold morning and turning back beneath the duvet in a bid to get a few more moments of comfort.
Having never visited the other bits of Australia, I had nothing to directly compare South Australia with, but if the rest of the country gets any better than this, it's quite frankly taking the piss as a nation.
• Black Tomato can arrange an exclusive 12-night, three-centre trip to South Australia, taking in Port Lincoln, Kangaroo Island and Adelaide, from £4,199pp (based on two sharing). For more information on South Australia, go to southaustralia.com. For more information on Adventure Bay Charters, go to adventurebaycharters.com.au. For more information on Southern Ocean Lodge, go to southernoceanlodge.com.au. For more information on the North Adelaide Heritage Group, go to adelaideheritage.com.
• WIN: Surfing lessons in France. For full details of the holiday on offer, plus how to enter the competition and full terms and conditions, go to weekend-travel-competition
| Piled Higher & Deeper by Jorge Cham |
www.phdcomics.com
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title:
"By the way" - originally published
1/25/2012
For the latest news in PHD Comics, CLICK HERE! |
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| Piled Higher & Deeper by Jorge Cham |
www.phdcomics.com
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title:
"The Mountain Top" - originally published
1/23/2012
For the latest news in PHD Comics, CLICK HERE! |
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By Charlie Brooker
For westerners it's an experience akin to recovering from a serious head injury
I'm currently on another planet, namely Japan, which for the average westerner is an experience tantamount to recovering from a serious head injury, in that while the world around you is largely recognisable, it somehow makes little sense. Incredibly minor example: they sell green Kit Kats here (not the wrapper – I'm not that easily impressed – I mean the chocolate itself is green).
Furthermore, just like someone struggling to reacquaint themselves with everyday life, you have to continually re-learn how to perform previously straightforward tasks such as going to the toilet. In Japan you either crap into a bluntly utilitarian hole in the ground (reverse squat-toilet style) or, increasingly, into one of their famous hi-tech Toto superbogs with a heated seat and a remote-controlled bum-washing jet.
The first toilet I encountered in Japan was so advanced it automatically lifted the seat itself the moment it sensed my approach, like it just couldn't wait for me to crap down its throat. It's disconcerting, defecating into a robot's mouth. In five years' time that toilet won't merely cock its lid when you enter the room, it'll be programmed to hum lullabies as it swallows your droppings. If the machines ever rise up and kill us, we'll only have our own smug sense of mastery to blame.
But I'm not in Japan to sit on toilets. I'm here to write some travel pieces for this newspaper, which will appear later in the year. As a result I've been zipping all over the place. But every now and then when, the sheer sensory overload gets too much, I retire to the hotel room to stare at the television.
Westerners have been confounded by Japanese TV for decades, ever since Clive James amused millions in the 80s with clips from a gameshow called Endurance, in which contestants had to undergo a series of increasingly painful and humiliating ordeals. For British viewers, much of the fun came from sheer outraged disbelief that watching people being physically tormented and degraded was considered entertainment.
But of course that was 100 years ago, before I'm a Celebrity transformed low-level torture into mainstream British fare. Nonetheless, you don't have to watch Japanese TV for long until you see something shocking. The other evening I watched a programme in which a man was shown spooning boiling molten metal into his mouth. This was followed by footage of a man being mauled by a tiger and a rib-tickling sequence in which a studio guest was deliberately poisoned by some kind of sea creature.
Generally though, the TV here is surprisingly dull. The vast majority of programmes consist of several seriously overexcited people sitting in an overlit studio decorated like a novelty grotto made from regurgitated Dolly Mixture, endlessly babbling about food.
Seriously, it's all food, food, food. People eating food, answering questions about food, sometimes even just pointing at food and laughing. It's as they've only just discovered food and are perpetually astonished by its very existence. Imagine watching an endless episode of The One Show with the colour and brightness turned up to 11, where all the guests have been given amphetamines, the screen is peppered with random subtitles, and every 10 seconds it cuts to a close-up shot of a bowl of noodles for no apparent reason. That's 90% of Japanese TV right there.
For a nation so preposterously hi-tech, it's a curiously old-fashioned approach to television. People talking in studios. Forever. Like it's the 50s. And yet it's insanely agitated: as though the participants are simply too wired to make a proper TV show, and have subsequently just switched the cameras on and started yelping.
The adverts continue this vaguely old-school theme. There are plenty of super-sophisticated ones starring giant CGI cats and the like, but there's also a rather charming emphasis on dancing: people unpretentiously dancing and singing about the product on offer (generally a foodstuff, which presumably explains their terrifying level of excitement). It makes the Go Compare tenor seem subtle. Sedate, even.
But while onscreen Japan offers up old-fashioned fodder with an unhinged, frantic glee bordering on malevolence, the moment you step outside, the population itself seems incredibly calm, as though faintly mesmerised by the screaming technology surrounding them. The cliche about the Japanese being unbelievably polite also holds true. At times they're so helpful it's almost a pain in the arse. Ask a passing stranger if they know where the nearest branch of Mos Burger is and if they don't immediately know the answer, they'll often start researching the subject on your behalf, whipping out their smartphones to locate it using Google maps or calling up their friends for advice. And if after several minutes of peering at maps, placing phone calls, and umming and ahhing and apologising, they still can't provide a detailed set of directions, they appear to take it as a personal blow. In London, you'd get a smile and a shrug. Here they almost run away in disgrace. You actually feel guilty having inflicted that level of shame on them.
Like I say: another planet.
By Victoria Coren
So the Americans are bowled over by Downton Abbey. They're lucky they can afford to be
Do you remember when America had all the films about six months before we did? Friends would come back from holiday there in June, boasting about the latest blockbuster, and we had to drum our fingers until Christmas. Or the following year.
Back then, we weren't Americanised like we are now. It was a faraway place of variety and spangle. They had delis, diners and burger joints; we ate at home if we knew what was good for us. They had 900 different kinds of chocolate bar; we had Fry's Turkish Delight for special occasions.
On TV, we had a lot of Open University and Ceefax, interspersed with the occasional documentary or sitcom on a failure theme. They had 24-hour broadcasting, in which everyone was so glossy and successful that you couldn't tell where the adverts stopped and the programmes started. Once a year, they might send us an old episode of The Phil Silvers Show. Our only "shared" culture was the films, and that was "shared" in the sense of your mum telling you: "Your sister's outgrown this vest, so you can have it."
How proud I feel today, reading that America is in a Downton Abbey frenzy. To us, Downton is old news. It's so 2011. We're over it. How satisfying that those late-coming Americans are still waiting to find out what happens in the story, while we know: there's a war, Bates and Anna look gloomy, the war's over, Bates and Anna look gloomy, Matthew's crippled for life, Bates and Anna look gloomy, Matthew's sprung miraculously out of the chair and is representing Britain in the Olympic triple jump, Bates and Anna look gloomy.
More smug-inducing still: America has embraced the derivative trend for all things retro. Over here, we're busily dazzled by Sherlock, the complex sci-fi Holmes: puzzling over its ingenious 21st-century reinvention of Reichenbach in a world of global satellites and cyber-hacking. Over there, everyone's drinking tea and hiring butlers.
"Books being rushed into print [in the States]," reveals the New York correspondent for one newspaper, "include memoirs from Edwardian-era kitchen maids, historical dramas from World War I and even novels based on the sinking of the Titanic."
Meanwhile, over here, the Past Times chain has gone under. We lost interest in its historically themed knick-knacks. It could no longer flog us Henry VIII duvet covers, Black Death vitamin pills and King Canute Lilos. We stopped wanting salad servers in the shape of Florence Nightingale's forceps. We became immune to the siren cry of: "You've seen Stonehenge – now get the tea cosy." We don't want the past any more. Here in Britain, we live in the now.
(The Past Times website is still up, by the way, with a 50%-off-everything administration sale. At time of writing, you can snap up a Thomas Crapper soap dispenser for £5. Want some jewellery? Try the magnificent-sounding Tribal Britain Faux Turquoise Ovals Bracelet for £7.50. But be warned: it's sad to look around this ghostly site, sifting through the things that people made and sold with hope in their hearts, like snorkelling over the Titanic. It's heartbreaking to think of all those people feeling hopeless now. On the other hand, it really is the most terrible junk.)
Downton was, of course, popular here too. But we watched it giggling. We knew it was a nonsensical confection of invented past. We knew its tale of happy, cap-doffing plebs, slimy middle classes and angelic toffs – and its Great War from which one could pop home for dinner and nobody died — was about as convincing as a paraplegic springing out of a wheelchair to help a lady off with her coat. It was a Henry VIII duvet cover of a programme. It was Faux Turquoise. It was a dispenser of Crapper soap.
One can't help suspecting that the Americans, however, not only believe that England was just like that in 1916, they think it's like that now.
I don't mean to come over all Simon Schama; Downton was great fun to watch. I'm sure Julian Fellowes knew perfectly well he was churning out a Past Times product, and that our taste for that sort of nostalgia was waning even as he typed; why else would he have moved the calendar on at such a restless pace?
In The Stranger's Child, Alan Hollinghurst shows how slowly, deeply and insidiously, the ripples from the First World War affected families for generations to come. Fellowes knocked the whole skirmish off in about 20 minutes, killing one irrelevant footman and leaving everyone else exactly the same. That can only reveal a near-psychic sense of zeitgeist: he was trying to hurry his characters into 1980 for series three. By the end of that series, they'll be watching Downton Abbey.
Now that the recession has truly kicked in, we haven't got time to be nostalgic about 1912. It's poignant enough to remember how happy we were three years ago.
The other day, I heard myself talking fondly about Margaret Thatcher. I was looking at a newspaper with a big advert for The Iron Lady on one page, and a story on the other about Tony Blair paying £315,000 of tax on the £12m income from his mysterious dealings with investment banks, Zurich and Kuwait.
"The thing about Mrs Thatcher," I murmured lovingly, "is that her kind of evil was honest and sincere."
When times feel tough, you really needn't go too far back to whitewash the past. Today's snow makes yesterday's rain seem like beach weather.
Eight paragraphs ago, I was taking the mickey out of the Past Times chain. I already miss it. If they start selling sepia postcards tomorrow of old Past Times shop facades, I'll be buying.
www.victoriacoren.com
| Piled Higher & Deeper by Jorge Cham |
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1/18/2012
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Today, in “ridiculous specification I've come across in the course of entirely legitimate work” …
In case just typing a status message wasn't good enough, XEP-0108: User Activity defines an XMPP extension for telling your contacts precisely what you're up to in a machine-readable form … as long as it's one of a rigidly-defined taxonomy of activities. Buying groceries is a kind of chore, whereas shopping is supposedly a form of relaxation; I think some might disagree that you're inactive while praying.
RFC 4480: Rich Presence Extensions to the Presence Information Data Format goes a step further and allows you to specify that you're in a location that's too dark for video, too noisy for audio, and inappropriate for IM. Your mood can be “invincible”, but—distressingly—neither “quixotic” nor “apathetic” are permitted. I think I'll stick to LiveJournal.
(Oh, the title of this post is valid per RFC 4480. Edit: or it would be if it weren't mangled. Time to migrate.)
Along with something like 15 other Collaborans, I'm at the MeeGo Conference 2010 in Dublin. I've somehow managed never to visit Ireland before, so I'm hoping to find some time to explore a bit while I'm here.
I'm giving a talk titled The Road to Telepathy 1.0
tomorrow at 9am (yerk!) in the Vavasour Suite. I'll be sketching out a rough roadmap, or rather collection of related goals and schedules; also, there'll be an update on ongoing feature development. Right afterwards, at 9.30, the inimitable Mikhail Zabaluev is speaking on Developing Communication Protocol Implementations in Telepathy
, based on Nokia's experience developing SIP, cellular and Skype backends for Telepathy over the past years.
Also, at the Collabora stand we're demoing DSP-accelerated video calls on an OMAP board using GStreamer, and integration with various services in MeeGo Netbook via Telepathy. Collabora folks working on all kinds of projects will be around; see you there!
I just released Bustle 0.2.3. The notable improvement is that you can now view a pair of D-Bus traffic logs side-by-side on the same chart. So if you've taken a trace of the session bus and the system bus, and want to see how the bus traffic matches up on the two, this is the release you've been waiting for! (If not, well, I made the ugly pink lines a more tasteful grey, and fixed some bugs you never noticed.)
While I was refactoring to support the second log, I would have liked to have been able to run Bustle in a “batch” mode to render straight to a file, and then run some kind of visual diff tool to compare the output of the branch versus the last release. Coincidentally, when I opened my inbox, I found a mail requesting the same feature! I imagine that this could come in handy for producing automated reports: maybe you'd have a weekly cron job that produces some stats about the traffic using bustle-count and, if it goes significantly up or down, sends an email to tick off or congratulate the relevant team as appropriate with an attached diagram. ;-) If anyone fancied having a crack at this, it shouldn't be too hard.
Early last month, Lassi Syrjälä released Telepathy-Ring, Nokia’s Telepathy connection manager for GSM telephony, under the LGPL. The version used on the N900 talks to a proprietary daemon to drive the cellular hardware, but this new 2.x.y series has been ported to oFono, Intel and Nokia’s Free cellular modem daemon. I was trying out Ring using oFono’s phone simulator backend, until it was pointed out that oFono also supports my laptop's built-in GSM chip. Oh really? Let’s see…
A few minutes of tweaking later, and I was looking at an apparently-unremarkable Empathy conversation window:

Ring needed a few little hacks to get this going, mostly because laptops’ GSM chips don’t generally support making GSM calls, which Ring expects to be able to do. But I didn’t have to touch any other Telepathy components’ source: I installed my Ring branch, opened the Empathy accounts dialog, created a new “tel” account, and here we are. +447771██████ in that screenshot is my real actual phone, and this conversation looks just how you’d expect.
Of course, right now this is a proof-of-concept; it’s not really ready for non-developers. I’m planning to clean up my Ring patches for submission upstream over the next few weeks, and will try to trick someone into writing a custom account configuration UI for Empathy; hopefully we can get this working properly pretty soon! Thanks to Lassi, Pekka Pessi (Ring’s original author), and others at Maemo; the oFono team; and other Telepathy and Empathy hackers for making this so straightforward!
I have a Grandstream GXP2000 SIP phone, courtesy of a special offer and a parent who likes SIP. It's kind of bulky, and is overkill for my uses of it: I don't actually care about it automatically downloading my address book from an arbitrary server, or running quizzes on its OSD. (Seriously, why would anyone do this?) But once I upgraded the firmware (to 1.1.2.27, which apparently you can get from Grandstream if you whine loudly enough, but I just grabbed it from, uh, GrandstreamSucks.com) to stop it crashing whenever I made or received a call (which only happened on one LAN I tried it on), it is pretty good at making and receiving calls, which is what I want it for.
You can stick custom ring tones on it, but they have to be in some bizarro format. Happily, Grandstream ship conversion tools, both for Windows and for Lunix. So I downloaded the latter; it turns out to be a modified SoX. And, oh look: they don't provide the source, or an offer to provide the source. *sigh* So, I requested the source, pointed out that they're violating section 3, and remarked that they could just throw a tarball into the same place they threw the binaries and never deal with any emails like this ever again.
I got a reply pretty quickly!
Attached per your request.
Attached was a zip file, expanding to:
% ls /tmp/sox
handlers.c ring.c sox.c st_i.h
which is clearly not the complete source, and does not include build scripts.
You did not include the scripts used to control compilation. May I have the Makefile, please?
They sent me the Makefile (in a zip file).
% make
make: *** No rule to make target `Makefile.in', needed by `Makefile'. Stop.
It appears that you have omitted the autoconf-related foo.
Please may I have complete working build scripts, please?
They sent me Makefile.in (in a zip file. This makes it much faster!!!). Of course, the rest of the build scripts and source still aren't there, so this still won't work. But let's play along:
% make
make: *** No rule to make target `configure.in', needed by `configure'. Stop.
No double pleases this time:
Is it really too difficult to just zip up the entire directory and send it to me?
And apparently showing some anger did the trick:
We were using sox 12.17.4. You will need to use the patch based on that version.
Lo! A tarball containing the entire modified source tree, which when compiled works identically to the static binary they distribute. They still provide no source offer, but I got bored at this point. Here's a copy of the source in case you don't feel like repeating this process to get it.
(I meant to write this back in September, but never got around to it. I finally got sick of the thread sitting in my Inbox. It turns out that I never actually bothered making a custom ringtone...)
I edited this post earlier today to update the final link (having rearranged my own domain). This bumped the post on some less-than-awesome aggregators... and someone pointed out that some other links are broken. So I poked around a bit, and the .zip file offered by Grandstream does actually include the source code! Hooray. From the mtimes I suspect this took until June last year.